Why You Should Read Magic Bullets
by Jeremy Soul
I get a ton of emails and messages every week from guys asking me for dating tips and advice. A thought occurred to me the other day: 98% of all these queries could be dealt with by reading Magic Bullets.
Which got me thinking about writing an article to remind everyone how good this book is! Seriously, if you haven’t read it, get yourself a copy now.
For me, Magic Bullets is the bible of dating. Years ago, I found another book which taught me how to be confident and funny with women. That helped, but nothing has been near as helpful as the holistic system set out in Magic Bullets.
The main point of Magic Bullets is that it gives you a comprehensive structure you can apply to any and every area of your dating life – all the way from saying hi to a woman to getting her into your bedroom and seducing her. It explains the different stages you need to go through in an interaction with a woman, what they are and why you need them. It will give you a very detailed knowledge of how female psychology works. To illustrate, the book has plenty of examples on how to execute each of the steps in real life and explains the techniques you can employ such as handling mixed groups of men and women, winging, disqualification, compliance, story-telling, what to do on dates and physical escalation.
These are my personal favourite bits of the book (bear in mind this is after getting GOOD at dating for about three years, so these things were refreshing to read even for me):
- Relationship Management section. Gives a great overview of a much neglected area of dating among pick up artists.
- Workplace Romance examples. Detailed blow-by-blow examples of how to make an office hook up work.
- Storytelling chapter. The number one thing most guys need to work on is their ability to talk more charismatically. This chapter teaches you that.
Magic Bullets has evolved way beyond Mystery’s original sequential M3 model of seduction. Terms like A3, C2 and X8 are outdated. Whenever I hear clients using this stuff, I have to ask them, “What are you talking about?” Everything we teach our clients is designed to be as simple and as easy to use as possible. If you go to a Love Systems bootcamp, you won’t hear unnecessary jargon unless it’s something that actually helps you to date women. Anything else is just mental masturbation.
We’re constantly evolving here at Love Systems: Magic Bullets updates that customers automatically get reflect that. Between Mr M and Braddock with Social Circle Mastery and Inner Game, The Don with Strippers and Hired Guns, and my own Day Game stuff, there’s very little at Love Systems that we’re not figuring out. We’re working to give you guys the best possible dating lives you can have – that means constantly developing new ideas and testing them out.
When I browse through online forums, I look at most of the queries and think, “This can be dealt with if that guy just read Magic Bullets.” But I know, I know, people are lazy. Well, no one else is gonna do the hard work for you in life! Your happiness and success is your responsibility alone.
Not surprisingly, the book is the foundation of everything I and other instructors teach at Love Systems. If you want to see a preview, you can read sample chapters of the book before you buy. And as with all Love Systems products, a full refund policy applies, so there's literally no risk.
It’s important to remember though that reading Magic Bullets doesn't mean you will never need to read anything else. There are other great books out there but NONE of this stuff will help you as much as if you had the right foundations in the first place, which is what Magic Bullets gives you. Day Game Workshop clients who have read Magic Bullets or taken a bootcamp inevitably perform better and get more out of it than those who haven’t.
Finally, don't take anything you learn as gospel. You need put yourself out there, apply your knowledge and see how it plays out. We are all individuals and will have different styles of interacting with people. So put your individual stamp on what you do, keep tweaking, experimenting and testing out new techniques. The fun part comes when you stop reading and finding out what you enjoy and what works for you.
Magic Bullets
Monday, July 12, 2010
Saturday, July 03, 2010
Ross Jeffries | Why do I no longer trust Ross Jeffries?
Very straightforward. Four or five years ago I joined with his affiliate scheme, because I liked a lot of his material and it sold well. He started off paying commission, then paid occassionally and then stopped. According to the statement from his actual scheme (cut and paste copy below) the schemes owes me $2400.
He doesn't return email or give any explanation for it. It's the last point that bugs me. In the absence of any explanation the word 'thief' comes to mind.
Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction (R) Commission Statement
Leads me to comment about affiliate schemes. Some
1) Can't be trusted (like the situation above)
2) Are totally honest but purely designed to attract visitors to be captured by the site of the person running the scheme. Nothing wrong with this provided you're aware of it.
3) The person running the scheme is happy to work with his or her affiliates to grow a market that works for all. Harder, sometimes frustrating but more enjoyable and longer lasting.
A bit like seduction?
Buyer Be Aware?
Michael
He doesn't return email or give any explanation for it. It's the last point that bugs me. In the absence of any explanation the word 'thief' comes to mind.
Ross Jeffries Speed Seduction (R) Commission Statement
Leads me to comment about affiliate schemes. Some
1) Can't be trusted (like the situation above)
2) Are totally honest but purely designed to attract visitors to be captured by the site of the person running the scheme. Nothing wrong with this provided you're aware of it.
3) The person running the scheme is happy to work with his or her affiliates to grow a market that works for all. Harder, sometimes frustrating but more enjoyable and longer lasting.
A bit like seduction?
Buyer Be Aware?
Michael
Friday, October 30, 2009
Seduction - Overcoming Approach Anxiety
Approach Anxiety
(Thanks again to the Love Systems people, you can read / listen to more hear: Overcoming Approach Anxiety)
Some of the worst feelings in my life have come when I have chosen to avoid something I wanted out of fear. Knowing that I logically wanted something and then didn't go for it because I succumb to a bunch of emotional rationalizations that are 95% bullshit, is killer. It reminds me of the Jim Rohn quote, "We suffer one of two things. Either the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. You've got to choose discipline, versus regret, because discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons."
As we all know, more often than not emotions steer the ship of our life and especially our day to day and moment to moment decisions..not logic. I feel like one of the biggest life challenges we all face is cultivating the ability to choose right action over fear. Fear can come in many forms, actual gut level pain, rationalizations, excuses, deflecting, blaming, comparison, etc. No matter what form it takes on, one of the greatest handcuffs we face, especially in the dating world, is overcoming that fear.
Sadly, the raw emotion of fear, is much much worse than the actual root of the fear. Actually approaching a woman is actually not as painful as the raw emotion of thinking about it. It's strange how much your life changes when you learn to control this emotion and move more effortlessly through the world.
While the emotional feeling inside will never go away completely, you can condition your body and mind to be almost numb to it. Much like when you play baseball as a kid. It's scary the first time you step in the batters box and have a kid throwing a ball at you. But after several years of playing, the fear melts away. Strangely, in the example of baseball, the fear should actually get worse being as the pitcher throws harder and harder as you get older. Even though you know this logically, your mind is numb to the fear.
What happens is that you develop a new habit. A habit of right action. If you always choose right action over emotion, you take the guess work out of it for your body and brain. Eventually your body and mind calm down and get on board through desensitization.
Guys come to me on bootcamp and think there must be something wrong with them because they have such bad approach anxiety. There is nothing wrong with you just because you have approach anxiety. If I took the best dating coach in the world who says he has zero approach anxiety and threw him in the batters box against a major league pitcher who throws 100mph, would he feel anxiety? Of course. If I took the most calm, cool, collected major league baseball player, who never gets nervous in the batters box, and took him a bar and forced him to approach a beautiful woman he didn't know, would he feel anxiety? Of course.
You are feeling nervous for a whole host of reasons, which I will explore in great detail later in this article, but mainly it's because you are doing something you have very few reference experiences for in a situation where you feel like you can't make a mistake. In baseball, you get to start off on a tee, with noone watching. Once you have that down you can start hitting soft toss. If you mess that up, no big deal. Noone is watching and noone is judging you. Once you have that down, you can move to the pitching machine, then a real pitcher. You can do all of this in the off season with noone watching. By the time the season rolls around, you are ready.
In pickup you don't get to slowly graduate up to the wold series. The first woman you approach feels essentially like it's the world series. On bootcamp we almost always cure 85%-90% of a guys approach anxiety by the end of the weekend. The weekend forces the guys to get mass exposure like they've never experienced. Sure, you will always feel something when you approach, but you can make it manageable.
Develop the Habit of Right Action Over Emotion
If you really want your approach anxiety to go away it simply requires you develop a new habit. You must cultivate the habit of right action over emotion. Realize that everyone feels approach anxiety and those who feel the least, are the ones who have done the most approaches. These guys are not super human, they have just desensitized themselves to the pain through repetition and carry a mindset focused on long term gratification over short term gratification. They have faced that fear so many times, that it has lost its hold.
If you rode a roller coaster 500 times in a row, you would eventually lose the ability to get a rush from riding it. If you only ride that roller coaster one or twice a month, then you will surely feel the rush with the same intensity as you did the very first time you ever road it.
If you wanted to help a friend get over the fear of riding roller coasters would you have him read 300 books and spend 5 years on a psychologists couch or would you put his ass on a roller coaster again and again?
Just like any other habit you want to create in your life this is done through repetition. The fastest way to ensure that you have approach anxiety for the rest of your life is to only do one or two approaches every now and then.
My favorite self help guru Brian Tracy says, "Fortunately, the habit of courage can be learned just as any other habit is learned, through repetition. We need to constantly face and overcome our fears to build up the kind of courage that will enable us to deal with the inevitable ups and downs of life unafraid."
While there are infinite things we could be afraid of, at our core we are crippled with fear of rejection and fear of failure far beyond all else. The fear of rejection is the most damaging because it can literally be crippling. It is a cancer that can literally hold you in a self-imposed prison keeping you from taking the necessary action required to meet a specific goal.
Usually there are several factors in regards to approach anxiety that make this fear of rejection heightened. Some of them are unavoidable and in regards to those you need to man the fuck up. However, several factors are within your control. Remember, there are certain factors that predispose us to heightened levels of fear or anxiety. By removing those factors we reduce the level of anxiety to a manageable level. Remove the road blocks in your mind that are holding you back, especially early in the learning process.
Let's look at a few that you can remove:
1. Approaching In Front Of Old Friends: We all know that failure is unavoidable in any new endeavor and that the lion share of failure takes place at the beginning of learning something new. This means, that your fear of rejection is not completely unfounded. You will in fact get rejected quite a bit when you approach women, especially in the beginning. What can make this even worse is the fact that you are trying to learn this in front of old friends who have never seen you behave in this new way. You have a well-defined role within that circle and to get rejected in front of them could create a level of social pressure from them that you are not sure you are willing to accept. You don't want the role in your group to change, you don't want to be openly ridiculed by them, and you don't want to be ridiculed behind your back.
Remedy: Knowing that you are trying something new and scary, the last thing you need is extra pressure from your friends. On the nights when you are going out to work on this stuff don't go out with the guys who add to your stress. Go out with the one or two guys who you are most relaxed around and don't feel like you would be judged. Once you are over your approach anxiety you can start chasing girls in front of those guys and it won't be such a big deal. When I was first learning this stuff, I couldn't go out with my older brother and his friends because I couldn't stand the thought of looking bad in front of them. As ridiculous as that frame of mind might be, by simply removing them on the nights I wanted to work on this stuff I was able to fight just one demon that night, my crippling approach anxiety. By going out with them and wrestling two demons at once, I was paralyzed into doing nothing. This was retarding my growth on a massive level. We all thrive when we deal with people who we feel understand us, respond well to us, and aren't judging us. While this is less important in most situations, it's very helpful when attempting something new and stressful.
2. Approaching In A Local Venue: I've spent the last 2 years of my life studying every book I could get my hands on that had to do with the brain and how it works. One thing that I see consistently in the books I've read on neurobiology is the brain is a horrible multi tasker, especially in high stress situations. An area of our brain that this drastically affects is the medial prefrontal cortex (MPFC). Dr. Richard Restak says, "The MPFC springs into action whenever we direct our attention inward and think about ourselves or outward and think about others. As we interact with colleagues, compete with opponents, or watch our friends and family experience their own ups and downs, having insight into the feelings of others enables us to understand what they value, how they feel about us, to offer appropriate support or gain competitive advantage, and to predict their future behavior."
The medial prefrontal cortex fires up not only when we actually experience an event, but also when we 'think' about experiencing an event. It also fires off when we think about putting our self in the shoes of another person looking back at us.
The more we are concerned with what the other person thinks about us, the more our MPFC will fire off, scanning to assess how they 'might' feel or what they 'might' be thinking. This means, that our attention gets scattered and fractionated like crazy in high stress situations. If you are scared of public speaking and you are speaking to a group of important clients your MPFC will be doing back flips trying to assess how they feel about you. You will osolate between: full attention on your speech --> What they are thinking about me? --> full attention on your speech --> What are they thinking about me? ...Over and over etc.
Each time this happens, you are obviously pulled away from your speech and you lose focus. You become more and more self conscious every time you lose your place in your speech and the MPFC fires off more concentrated and much more often. Before you know it, you are so concerned with what the crowd is thinking that you can't even talk. This is essentially like driving drunk. Your mind can't keep up with all the inputs and it's almost impossible to focus. You feel disoriented and anxious as a result.
This explains why you feel like you are naked on stage when you are in your local bar trying to approach. You are in a bar full of people you either know, kind of know, or have seen multiple times. Now all of a sudden you decide to approach either these groups of people or approach strangers in front of these people. The fear of rejection and failure kicks in and fires off your MPFC. Now you can't stop thinking about what all these people in the bar who you kind of know are thinking about you.
"What if it goes wrong? I'll never be able to show my face in here again. What if I use a line and she's hear it before? She'll tell everyone in here. What if I get blown out and she knows someone I know? My ex girlfriend is in here, what if she or one of her friends sees me get blown out? That asshole I knew in college is in here. If I get blown out in front of him, he'll probably say something smart ass to me."
Now your MPFC is scanning the room at lightning speed trying to assess the feelings of everyone in the room. You now feel like you have 50 video cameras on you and the thought of approaching feels about as scary as pulling your cock out on national TV.
Remedy: DON'T PRACTICE IN THESE PLACES!!!!!! It's that simple. When I was learning this stuff and approach anxiety was my number one concern I would drive to cities 1 hour, 2 hours, sometimes even 4 hours away so I could practice in a place where I didn't feel like I was on national television. Yes, you will still feel the pressure and your MPFC will still scan the room, but not wish such ferocity. You will be more apt to keep your composure and stay in the moment. You may still feel like you are on TV, but it will feel more like public access channel 13 at 3am, instead of HBO on Sunday night at 9pm.
Once you get comfortable with your approach anxiety in these places, you can slowly test the waters in the places that gave you the most pain. Eventually, your local bar won't seem that daunting and you will have little or no trouble approaching a woman in these venues.
3. I don't know what to say: This is a pretty common, yet avoidable cause of approach anxiety. You might be thinking, "Any idiot can get the balls up to go over there and make a fool of himself. I don't want to be like that. If I'm going to go over there I want to at least have something to say. What kind of fool goes up to a woman and says, hi, and then stands there like a moron?"
That's actually a fair point. I know I felt the same way when I was learning this stuff. Sadly, this kind of thinking is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. Thinking like this can cause more long term damage than you can imagine. What this causes is the death of action and the birth of a guy who reads for months and never actually approaches.
You begin to think that you should read and study pickup eBooks and memorize every possible routine and funny line. Then at some undetermined time in the future, you plan to start approaching.
What really happens is that you read an insane amount of information and NEVER digest any of it. Your mind never hardwires any of the concepts and you become a master of theory and you actually get worse with women instead of better.
Reading without practical application through real world experience causes you to develop major gaps in your learning. You become over stuffed with random knowledge. You need to start with small amounts of knowledge and digest those and really master them before moving on to the next piece. The act of actually approaching and interacting with women, bad or good interactions, will help you connect the dots between each piece of new information you acquire.
When you just read all the time or talk pickup all the time, you simply play a guessing game in your head. You read and assume. You build false constructs in your mind of what the author really means and you create some weird mutation of reality. When and if you ever do decide to take action your brain locks up and gives you massive approach anxiety because you have all this information in your head you have no idea what to do with it or what order it should go in. You are so nervous because you haven't approached in a long time and when you finally do it goes either horribly bad or just ok. You feel guilty inside because you feel like you should be really good considering you know theory better than any dating coach on the planet and you wonder how it is possible with all that reading, you still can't think of anything to say. This makes you feel anxiety and frustration so approaching the next girl makes you even more nervous, because each experience seems to validate that you are completely lost.
Remedy: As the quote goes, "A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step." Take one piece of information and go out and master it before moving on to the next. If you can't open then there is no reason to be reading about the newest qualification technique or sexual framing. Your approach anxiety will go away in direct proportion to your amount of women you approach and your ability to master one step at a time.
Give up on the idea that you need to have the perfect thing to say before you approach a woman. While the lines and routines are extremely powerful, they are worthless in bulk. Pick one or two things to open with and one or two things to transition with. Stick with these 2 things for a while. Stick with them until your approach anxiety drops to a reasonable level and you feel like you have those down.
Change your mission. Take the 1,000 things there are to learn in game and learn them 1 at a time. Approach anxiety is the first one on that list. Advanced concepts mean nothing if your brain and body are engulfed with crippling anxiety. Give yourself a break and tackle this one thing first. Go out give yourself mini missions.
Also, realize that there is no reason why you can't just walk up open, transition and then politely eject. The women won't care and it will take tons of pressure off of you. You do not have to stand there like an idiot for an hour having awkward conversation. Yes, in time you will obviously need to stay longer, but for now you are just working on beating approach anxiety, right? As you become more and more relaxed with this process, you can begin to stay longer and longer.
The Recipe
To defeat your approach anxiety you need to expose yourself to gradual increasing doses of social pressure. The lowest form of this may simply be talking to a clothing store clerk and the opposite end of that spectrum might be smacking a girl on the ass. Between those two polarities you can expose yourself to gradual increases. Keep doing the same one until the anxiety it gives you is either manageable or non-existent. Once you hit that threshold, move on to the next thing on your list that gives you an increased dose of social pressure.
The more times you expose yourself to these situations, your brain will calm down and you will start to pick up conversational reference experiences. After numerous approaches over several weekends you will become bored just approaching and walking off. You might get nervous on the first few of each night, but most of them will feel like nothing.
Every time you approach and start a conversation, no matter how short or long, it's like going to the gym for your brain. You will literally build conversational muscles. The first week you do this, you may run out of things to say after 5 seconds! However, as your mind calms down in these high-pressure situations, your brain will allow you more access to the creative side of your brain. It's not about memorizing more lines, it's about being calm in those situations so you can access what you already know. The more calm and the more internalized your openers and transitions become, the more material you can add if you like.
Please please trust me when I say that you will never memorize 300 routines and be able to go out into a bar and use them. Memorizing 300 routines is NOT a remedy for approach anxiety or a recipe to get laid. If anything, they will make things worse because your brain will feel clogged. You don't need to memorize 300 lines to talk to an old friend, you just relax and talk to one another, right?
You will never completely eradicate your approach anxiety and that should not be your goal. Your goal should be to get it to a manageable level. The absolute ideal state is indifference. This is the feeling you have when you are talking to a friend or acquaintance. When you are talking to a friend or an acquaintance you are not to worried about what they are thinking and you have little or no concern about what the room is thinking. Putting yourself in these gradual-increasing levels of social pressure will help you reach indifference much faster.
Facing the harsh reality of "No, I'm not interested in you": The fear of rejection can be a heavy feeling when you first start out. This one single factor is enough to keep most guys on the sidelines their entire lives. Because of this fear/pain they will be relegated to dating the women that come on to them or they will have to build a dynasty of a social circle and hope it creates enough gravity to draw women to them based on their lifestyle and social alliances.
Even if you are a guy who is lucky enough to have been extremely successful with women in your social circles, you will have to get used to hearing "no" in cold approach. You will hear "no" from beautiful women and from women you wouldn't even consider dating anyway. This can be a mind trip, because you may be used to beautiful women in your old social circles being all over you or even nervous to talk to you. In the sloppy world of cold approach, it is not the least bit uncommon to have below average women look at you like you have a dick growing out of your forehead when you approach.
If you are not used to dating very many women or you are new to cold approach, then getting over the fear of rejection can feel daunting. Many guys take it personal. They assume that the woman sees some deep internal character flaw in them that must be true. They assume that if several women reject them, then most/all women must not like them.
If you are not careful this can create some deep seeded inner game issues that are hard to unwined. At the end of the day, it is successful reference experiences that breed confidence. You can only pump yourself up for so long and keep telling yourself that it will be ok or that "it's not you, it's them." This is why it's so crucial that, especially in the first 6 to 9 months, you write out clearly defined, measurable, and realistic goals. You can gain a ton of confidence by hitting small goal after small goal. These small goals, slowly give birth to bigger and bigger goals. While you may not be getting laid or getting the women you want for that time, you are still hitting those small goals and this is the path that will lead you to dating those women by giving you the positive reference experience you need to build durable confidence.
If you are new and you have MASSIVE approach anxiety..STOP MAKING YOUR GOAL TO GET LAID!!!!!!!! Ready for some real talk??? You are not likely to consistently get laid or get an extremely hot girlfriend through cold approach for several months or longer if you are at the stage where you still suffer from severe approach anxiety. So, stop beating yourself up with ridiculous goals and feeling bad when you don't have some epic sexual conquest or get 5 phone numbers.
Step back and draw up a realistic 6 month game plan where you can have success. If you wanted to become a millionaire, would you get your feelings hurt and become deflated if you weren't a millionaire tomorrow? 3 months from now? 6 months from now? Of course not. You would set up a game plan and a business strategy full of subsidiary goals all leading to the attainment of the big goal, a million dollars. Do the same with your dating life.
You can do this, just step up and make it happen!!
-Braddock
Thanks again to the Love Systems people you can read / listen to more hear: Approach Anxiety
(Thanks again to the Love Systems people, you can read / listen to more hear: Overcoming Approach Anxiety)
Some of the worst feelings in my life have come when I have chosen to avoid something I wanted out of fear. Knowing that I logically wanted something and then didn't go for it because I succumb to a bunch of emotional rationalizations that are 95% bullshit, is killer. It reminds me of the Jim Rohn quote, "We suffer one of two things. Either the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. You've got to choose discipline, versus regret, because discipline weighs ounces and regret weighs tons."
As we all know, more often than not emotions steer the ship of our life and especially our day to day and moment to moment decisions..not logic. I feel like one of the biggest life challenges we all face is cultivating the ability to choose right action over fear. Fear can come in many forms, actual gut level pain, rationalizations, excuses, deflecting, blaming, comparison, etc. No matter what form it takes on, one of the greatest handcuffs we face, especially in the dating world, is overcoming that fear.
Sadly, the raw emotion of fear, is much much worse than the actual root of the fear. Actually approaching a woman is actually not as painful as the raw emotion of thinking about it. It's strange how much your life changes when you learn to control this emotion and move more effortlessly through the world.
While the emotional feeling inside will never go away completely, you can condition your body and mind to be almost numb to it. Much like when you play baseball as a kid. It's scary the first time you step in the batters box and have a kid throwing a ball at you. But after several years of playing, the fear melts away. Strangely, in the example of baseball, the fear should actually get worse being as the pitcher throws harder and harder as you get older. Even though you know this logically, your mind is numb to the fear.
What happens is that you develop a new habit. A habit of right action. If you always choose right action over emotion, you take the guess work out of it for your body and brain. Eventually your body and mind calm down and get on board through desensitization.
Guys come to me on bootcamp and think there must be something wrong with them because they have such bad approach anxiety. There is nothing wrong with you just because you have approach anxiety. If I took the best dating coach in the world who says he has zero approach anxiety and threw him in the batters box against a major league pitcher who throws 100mph, would he feel anxiety? Of course. If I took the most calm, cool, collected major league baseball player, who never gets nervous in the batters box, and took him a bar and forced him to approach a beautiful woman he didn't know, would he feel anxiety? Of course.
You are feeling nervous for a whole host of reasons, which I will explore in great detail later in this article, but mainly it's because you are doing something you have very few reference experiences for in a situation where you feel like you can't make a mistake. In baseball, you get to start off on a tee, with noone watching. Once you have that down you can start hitting soft toss. If you mess that up, no big deal. Noone is watching and noone is judging you. Once you have that down, you can move to the pitching machine, then a real pitcher. You can do all of this in the off season with noone watching. By the time the season rolls around, you are ready.
In pickup you don't get to slowly graduate up to the wold series. The first woman you approach feels essentially like it's the world series. On bootcamp we almost always cure 85%-90% of a guys approach anxiety by the end of the weekend. The weekend forces the guys to get mass exposure like they've never experienced. Sure, you will always feel something when you approach, but you can make it manageable.
Develop the Habit of Right Action Over Emotion
If you really want your approach anxiety to go away it simply requires you develop a new habit. You must cultivate the habit of right action over emotion. Realize that everyone feels approach anxiety and those who feel the least, are the ones who have done the most approaches. These guys are not super human, they have just desensitized themselves to the pain through repetition and carry a mindset focused on long term gratification over short term gratification. They have faced that fear so many times, that it has lost its hold.
If you rode a roller coaster 500 times in a row, you would eventually lose the ability to get a rush from riding it. If you only ride that roller coaster one or twice a month, then you will surely feel the rush with the same intensity as you did the very first time you ever road it.
If you wanted to help a friend get over the fear of riding roller coasters would you have him read 300 books and spend 5 years on a psychologists couch or would you put his ass on a roller coaster again and again?
Just like any other habit you want to create in your life this is done through repetition. The fastest way to ensure that you have approach anxiety for the rest of your life is to only do one or two approaches every now and then.
My favorite self help guru Brian Tracy says, "Fortunately, the habit of courage can be learned just as any other habit is learned, through repetition. We need to constantly face and overcome our fears to build up the kind of courage that will enable us to deal with the inevitable ups and downs of life unafraid."
While there are infinite things we could be afraid of, at our core we are crippled with fear of rejection and fear of failure far beyond all else. The fear of rejection is the most damaging because it can literally be crippling. It is a cancer that can literally hold you in a self-imposed prison keeping you from taking the necessary action required to meet a specific goal.
Usually there are several factors in regards to approach anxiety that make this fear of rejection heightened. Some of them are unavoidable and in regards to those you need to man the fuck up. However, several factors are within your control. Remember, there are certain factors that predispose us to heightened levels of fear or anxiety. By removing those factors we reduce the level of anxiety to a manageable level. Remove the road blocks in your mind that are holding you back, especially early in the learning process.
Let's look at a few that you can remove:
1. Approaching In Front Of Old Friends: We all know that failure is unavoidable in any new endeavor and that the lion share of failure takes place at the beginning of learning something new. This means, that your fear of rejection is not completely unfounded. You will in fact get rejected quite a bit when you approach women, especially in the beginning. What can make this even worse is the fact that you are trying to learn this in front of old friends who have never seen you behave in this new way. You have a well-defined role within that circle and to get rejected in front of them could create a level of social pressure from them that you are not sure you are willing to accept. You don't want the role in your group to change, you don't want to be openly ridiculed by them, and you don't want to be ridiculed behind your back.
Remedy: Knowing that you are trying something new and scary, the last thing you need is extra pressure from your friends. On the nights when you are going out to work on this stuff don't go out with the guys who add to your stress. Go out with the one or two guys who you are most relaxed around and don't feel like you would be judged. Once you are over your approach anxiety you can start chasing girls in front of those guys and it won't be such a big deal. When I was first learning this stuff, I couldn't go out with my older brother and his friends because I couldn't stand the thought of looking bad in front of them. As ridiculous as that frame of mind might be, by simply removing them on the nights I wanted to work on this stuff I was able to fight just one demon that night, my crippling approach anxiety. By going out with them and wrestling two demons at once, I was paralyzed into doing nothing. This was retarding my growth on a massive level. We all thrive when we deal with people who we feel understand us, respond well to us, and aren't judging us. While this is less important in most situations, it's very helpful when attempting something new and stressful.
2. Approaching In A Local Venue: I've spent the last 2 years of my life studying every book I could get my hands on that had to do with the brain and how it works. One thing that I see consistently in the books I've read on neurobiology is the brain is a horrible multi tasker, especially in high stress situations. An area of our brain that this drastically affects is the medial prefrontal cortex (MPFC). Dr. Richard Restak says, "The MPFC springs into action whenever we direct our attention inward and think about ourselves or outward and think about others. As we interact with colleagues, compete with opponents, or watch our friends and family experience their own ups and downs, having insight into the feelings of others enables us to understand what they value, how they feel about us, to offer appropriate support or gain competitive advantage, and to predict their future behavior."
The medial prefrontal cortex fires up not only when we actually experience an event, but also when we 'think' about experiencing an event. It also fires off when we think about putting our self in the shoes of another person looking back at us.
The more we are concerned with what the other person thinks about us, the more our MPFC will fire off, scanning to assess how they 'might' feel or what they 'might' be thinking. This means, that our attention gets scattered and fractionated like crazy in high stress situations. If you are scared of public speaking and you are speaking to a group of important clients your MPFC will be doing back flips trying to assess how they feel about you. You will osolate between: full attention on your speech --> What they are thinking about me? --> full attention on your speech --> What are they thinking about me? ...Over and over etc.
Each time this happens, you are obviously pulled away from your speech and you lose focus. You become more and more self conscious every time you lose your place in your speech and the MPFC fires off more concentrated and much more often. Before you know it, you are so concerned with what the crowd is thinking that you can't even talk. This is essentially like driving drunk. Your mind can't keep up with all the inputs and it's almost impossible to focus. You feel disoriented and anxious as a result.
This explains why you feel like you are naked on stage when you are in your local bar trying to approach. You are in a bar full of people you either know, kind of know, or have seen multiple times. Now all of a sudden you decide to approach either these groups of people or approach strangers in front of these people. The fear of rejection and failure kicks in and fires off your MPFC. Now you can't stop thinking about what all these people in the bar who you kind of know are thinking about you.
"What if it goes wrong? I'll never be able to show my face in here again. What if I use a line and she's hear it before? She'll tell everyone in here. What if I get blown out and she knows someone I know? My ex girlfriend is in here, what if she or one of her friends sees me get blown out? That asshole I knew in college is in here. If I get blown out in front of him, he'll probably say something smart ass to me."
Now your MPFC is scanning the room at lightning speed trying to assess the feelings of everyone in the room. You now feel like you have 50 video cameras on you and the thought of approaching feels about as scary as pulling your cock out on national TV.
Remedy: DON'T PRACTICE IN THESE PLACES!!!!!! It's that simple. When I was learning this stuff and approach anxiety was my number one concern I would drive to cities 1 hour, 2 hours, sometimes even 4 hours away so I could practice in a place where I didn't feel like I was on national television. Yes, you will still feel the pressure and your MPFC will still scan the room, but not wish such ferocity. You will be more apt to keep your composure and stay in the moment. You may still feel like you are on TV, but it will feel more like public access channel 13 at 3am, instead of HBO on Sunday night at 9pm.
Once you get comfortable with your approach anxiety in these places, you can slowly test the waters in the places that gave you the most pain. Eventually, your local bar won't seem that daunting and you will have little or no trouble approaching a woman in these venues.
3. I don't know what to say: This is a pretty common, yet avoidable cause of approach anxiety. You might be thinking, "Any idiot can get the balls up to go over there and make a fool of himself. I don't want to be like that. If I'm going to go over there I want to at least have something to say. What kind of fool goes up to a woman and says, hi, and then stands there like a moron?"
That's actually a fair point. I know I felt the same way when I was learning this stuff. Sadly, this kind of thinking is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. Thinking like this can cause more long term damage than you can imagine. What this causes is the death of action and the birth of a guy who reads for months and never actually approaches.
You begin to think that you should read and study pickup eBooks and memorize every possible routine and funny line. Then at some undetermined time in the future, you plan to start approaching.
What really happens is that you read an insane amount of information and NEVER digest any of it. Your mind never hardwires any of the concepts and you become a master of theory and you actually get worse with women instead of better.
Reading without practical application through real world experience causes you to develop major gaps in your learning. You become over stuffed with random knowledge. You need to start with small amounts of knowledge and digest those and really master them before moving on to the next piece. The act of actually approaching and interacting with women, bad or good interactions, will help you connect the dots between each piece of new information you acquire.
When you just read all the time or talk pickup all the time, you simply play a guessing game in your head. You read and assume. You build false constructs in your mind of what the author really means and you create some weird mutation of reality. When and if you ever do decide to take action your brain locks up and gives you massive approach anxiety because you have all this information in your head you have no idea what to do with it or what order it should go in. You are so nervous because you haven't approached in a long time and when you finally do it goes either horribly bad or just ok. You feel guilty inside because you feel like you should be really good considering you know theory better than any dating coach on the planet and you wonder how it is possible with all that reading, you still can't think of anything to say. This makes you feel anxiety and frustration so approaching the next girl makes you even more nervous, because each experience seems to validate that you are completely lost.
Remedy: As the quote goes, "A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step." Take one piece of information and go out and master it before moving on to the next. If you can't open then there is no reason to be reading about the newest qualification technique or sexual framing. Your approach anxiety will go away in direct proportion to your amount of women you approach and your ability to master one step at a time.
Give up on the idea that you need to have the perfect thing to say before you approach a woman. While the lines and routines are extremely powerful, they are worthless in bulk. Pick one or two things to open with and one or two things to transition with. Stick with these 2 things for a while. Stick with them until your approach anxiety drops to a reasonable level and you feel like you have those down.
Change your mission. Take the 1,000 things there are to learn in game and learn them 1 at a time. Approach anxiety is the first one on that list. Advanced concepts mean nothing if your brain and body are engulfed with crippling anxiety. Give yourself a break and tackle this one thing first. Go out give yourself mini missions.
Also, realize that there is no reason why you can't just walk up open, transition and then politely eject. The women won't care and it will take tons of pressure off of you. You do not have to stand there like an idiot for an hour having awkward conversation. Yes, in time you will obviously need to stay longer, but for now you are just working on beating approach anxiety, right? As you become more and more relaxed with this process, you can begin to stay longer and longer.
The Recipe
To defeat your approach anxiety you need to expose yourself to gradual increasing doses of social pressure. The lowest form of this may simply be talking to a clothing store clerk and the opposite end of that spectrum might be smacking a girl on the ass. Between those two polarities you can expose yourself to gradual increases. Keep doing the same one until the anxiety it gives you is either manageable or non-existent. Once you hit that threshold, move on to the next thing on your list that gives you an increased dose of social pressure.
The more times you expose yourself to these situations, your brain will calm down and you will start to pick up conversational reference experiences. After numerous approaches over several weekends you will become bored just approaching and walking off. You might get nervous on the first few of each night, but most of them will feel like nothing.
Every time you approach and start a conversation, no matter how short or long, it's like going to the gym for your brain. You will literally build conversational muscles. The first week you do this, you may run out of things to say after 5 seconds! However, as your mind calms down in these high-pressure situations, your brain will allow you more access to the creative side of your brain. It's not about memorizing more lines, it's about being calm in those situations so you can access what you already know. The more calm and the more internalized your openers and transitions become, the more material you can add if you like.
Please please trust me when I say that you will never memorize 300 routines and be able to go out into a bar and use them. Memorizing 300 routines is NOT a remedy for approach anxiety or a recipe to get laid. If anything, they will make things worse because your brain will feel clogged. You don't need to memorize 300 lines to talk to an old friend, you just relax and talk to one another, right?
You will never completely eradicate your approach anxiety and that should not be your goal. Your goal should be to get it to a manageable level. The absolute ideal state is indifference. This is the feeling you have when you are talking to a friend or acquaintance. When you are talking to a friend or an acquaintance you are not to worried about what they are thinking and you have little or no concern about what the room is thinking. Putting yourself in these gradual-increasing levels of social pressure will help you reach indifference much faster.
Facing the harsh reality of "No, I'm not interested in you": The fear of rejection can be a heavy feeling when you first start out. This one single factor is enough to keep most guys on the sidelines their entire lives. Because of this fear/pain they will be relegated to dating the women that come on to them or they will have to build a dynasty of a social circle and hope it creates enough gravity to draw women to them based on their lifestyle and social alliances.
Even if you are a guy who is lucky enough to have been extremely successful with women in your social circles, you will have to get used to hearing "no" in cold approach. You will hear "no" from beautiful women and from women you wouldn't even consider dating anyway. This can be a mind trip, because you may be used to beautiful women in your old social circles being all over you or even nervous to talk to you. In the sloppy world of cold approach, it is not the least bit uncommon to have below average women look at you like you have a dick growing out of your forehead when you approach.
If you are not used to dating very many women or you are new to cold approach, then getting over the fear of rejection can feel daunting. Many guys take it personal. They assume that the woman sees some deep internal character flaw in them that must be true. They assume that if several women reject them, then most/all women must not like them.
If you are not careful this can create some deep seeded inner game issues that are hard to unwined. At the end of the day, it is successful reference experiences that breed confidence. You can only pump yourself up for so long and keep telling yourself that it will be ok or that "it's not you, it's them." This is why it's so crucial that, especially in the first 6 to 9 months, you write out clearly defined, measurable, and realistic goals. You can gain a ton of confidence by hitting small goal after small goal. These small goals, slowly give birth to bigger and bigger goals. While you may not be getting laid or getting the women you want for that time, you are still hitting those small goals and this is the path that will lead you to dating those women by giving you the positive reference experience you need to build durable confidence.
If you are new and you have MASSIVE approach anxiety..STOP MAKING YOUR GOAL TO GET LAID!!!!!!!! Ready for some real talk??? You are not likely to consistently get laid or get an extremely hot girlfriend through cold approach for several months or longer if you are at the stage where you still suffer from severe approach anxiety. So, stop beating yourself up with ridiculous goals and feeling bad when you don't have some epic sexual conquest or get 5 phone numbers.
Step back and draw up a realistic 6 month game plan where you can have success. If you wanted to become a millionaire, would you get your feelings hurt and become deflated if you weren't a millionaire tomorrow? 3 months from now? 6 months from now? Of course not. You would set up a game plan and a business strategy full of subsidiary goals all leading to the attainment of the big goal, a million dollars. Do the same with your dating life.
You can do this, just step up and make it happen!!
-Braddock
Thanks again to the Love Systems people you can read / listen to more hear: Approach Anxiety
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Seduction and Attraction: Thoughts on Comfort
Thoughts on Comfort
The Emotional Progression Model, as described in Magic Bullets, explains the phases a courtship process goes through. It starts with approaching a woman, then transitioning to a normal conversation, making her feel attracted to you, qualifying her and showing interest, building an emotional connection (comfort), seducing her, and ultimately start a relationship. One of the biggest phases in the Emotional Progression Model is the comfort phase, but it is also often a misunderstood phase.
The comfort phase happens after she is attracted to you and you have made her work for your attention (qualification). This is where you are really getting to know each other and you two become real. Famous comedian Chris Rock has a skit where he says whenever you go to a bar or club and meet people, you actually don't meet the real person. You are meeting their representatives. This is very true. The initial phases where you approach, transition, and attract is where you will be dealing with the representative of the girl you are interested in. During qualification you are trying to get rid of the representative and bit by bit you will start talking to the real person. When you are in the comfort phase, you are passed talking to the representative and you are now meeting the real person. Now the bulk of the work comes to play.
Most of your interactions are going to be in the comfort phase. You are trying to build an emotional connection with the woman you're interested in and solidify the levels of attraction she feels for you. The latter is very important. If you want to date a girl, you can only build an emotional connection after she is attracted to you and she has surpassed the qualification phase. A lot of guys have the sequence wrong. They start off with building comfort and then hope that she will get attracted to him. This is one of the big mistakes guys make and it gets them in the friendzone (besides not physically escalating).
NOTE: If you are unfamiliar with the attraction phase, you can listen to an audio file named Introduction to Attraction. If you are unfamiliar to Qualification, I would recommend listening to the audio files Qualification and Issues in Qualification.
If you build too much comfort, even after going through the attraction and qualification phases, will get you in the friendzone too. This is a common issue when guys first start to learn and try to master their comfort game.
Dale Carnegie says in his book How To Win Friends and Influence People that people want to feel two things: respected and understood. This is very basic and part of building comfort with a woman you are interested in. You try to find commonalities and shared interests between you and the woman. Commonalities validate the thoughts and values she has in herself because she sees someone has them too. That's why people naturally gravitate towards each other with common interest. Initially, you want to establish that you two have something in common but do not go to deep on the common interest. You want to establish wide rapport first (you two have a lot of topics you like to talk about on superficial level) and then flesh out certain topics to create deep rapport (sharing personal information and building that emotional connection).
However, you should also go beyond talking about what you two have in common. You should be sharing stories and topics that she has not experienced before. Talking about such subjects will help her to set you apart and make you more memorable to her. A lot of guys will get phone numbers of girls but these girls never respond to their text messages or pick up the phone. You can prevent flaky phone numbers if you know how to properly build comfort with a girl.
Avoid telling stories where you were wronged by women and telling sad stories with bed endings. With sad stories you want to display vulnerability, it makes you look like a real person, but make sure it ends on a positive note. Plus, avoid topics with emotional baggage, like how you broke up with your ex-girlfriend and avoid talking about bad past relationships. Good topics for comfort include talking about your passions, hobbies, travels, childhood memories, ambitions, and family. There are a lot more but talking about these topics makes you more of a 3-dimensional person and more memorable than the random guy she just met.
The level of trust and comfort you want to build with a woman also depends on what you want out of the interaction. If you want to have a one-night stand, there is not much comfort building needed. It just has to be good enough where she is comfortable around you. Or put another way, she doesn't feel any discomfort like fear for abuse, rape, or murder. A little bit more of comfort is needed when you want to have a friends with benefits relationship. However, if you want to get a girlfriend, then a lot of trust and comfort needs to be built. Again, too much comfort will make her see you as a friend, not someone she would date.
If you want to learn more on building trust and comfort with women, definitely check out the Love Systems Interview Series on Introduction to Comfort. You can listen to the first ten minutes for free, just click here.
Thanks to the 'Love Systems' people.
The Emotional Progression Model, as described in Magic Bullets, explains the phases a courtship process goes through. It starts with approaching a woman, then transitioning to a normal conversation, making her feel attracted to you, qualifying her and showing interest, building an emotional connection (comfort), seducing her, and ultimately start a relationship. One of the biggest phases in the Emotional Progression Model is the comfort phase, but it is also often a misunderstood phase.
The comfort phase happens after she is attracted to you and you have made her work for your attention (qualification). This is where you are really getting to know each other and you two become real. Famous comedian Chris Rock has a skit where he says whenever you go to a bar or club and meet people, you actually don't meet the real person. You are meeting their representatives. This is very true. The initial phases where you approach, transition, and attract is where you will be dealing with the representative of the girl you are interested in. During qualification you are trying to get rid of the representative and bit by bit you will start talking to the real person. When you are in the comfort phase, you are passed talking to the representative and you are now meeting the real person. Now the bulk of the work comes to play.
Most of your interactions are going to be in the comfort phase. You are trying to build an emotional connection with the woman you're interested in and solidify the levels of attraction she feels for you. The latter is very important. If you want to date a girl, you can only build an emotional connection after she is attracted to you and she has surpassed the qualification phase. A lot of guys have the sequence wrong. They start off with building comfort and then hope that she will get attracted to him. This is one of the big mistakes guys make and it gets them in the friendzone (besides not physically escalating).
NOTE: If you are unfamiliar with the attraction phase, you can listen to an audio file named Introduction to Attraction. If you are unfamiliar to Qualification, I would recommend listening to the audio files Qualification and Issues in Qualification.
If you build too much comfort, even after going through the attraction and qualification phases, will get you in the friendzone too. This is a common issue when guys first start to learn and try to master their comfort game.
Dale Carnegie says in his book How To Win Friends and Influence People that people want to feel two things: respected and understood. This is very basic and part of building comfort with a woman you are interested in. You try to find commonalities and shared interests between you and the woman. Commonalities validate the thoughts and values she has in herself because she sees someone has them too. That's why people naturally gravitate towards each other with common interest. Initially, you want to establish that you two have something in common but do not go to deep on the common interest. You want to establish wide rapport first (you two have a lot of topics you like to talk about on superficial level) and then flesh out certain topics to create deep rapport (sharing personal information and building that emotional connection).
However, you should also go beyond talking about what you two have in common. You should be sharing stories and topics that she has not experienced before. Talking about such subjects will help her to set you apart and make you more memorable to her. A lot of guys will get phone numbers of girls but these girls never respond to their text messages or pick up the phone. You can prevent flaky phone numbers if you know how to properly build comfort with a girl.
Avoid telling stories where you were wronged by women and telling sad stories with bed endings. With sad stories you want to display vulnerability, it makes you look like a real person, but make sure it ends on a positive note. Plus, avoid topics with emotional baggage, like how you broke up with your ex-girlfriend and avoid talking about bad past relationships. Good topics for comfort include talking about your passions, hobbies, travels, childhood memories, ambitions, and family. There are a lot more but talking about these topics makes you more of a 3-dimensional person and more memorable than the random guy she just met.
The level of trust and comfort you want to build with a woman also depends on what you want out of the interaction. If you want to have a one-night stand, there is not much comfort building needed. It just has to be good enough where she is comfortable around you. Or put another way, she doesn't feel any discomfort like fear for abuse, rape, or murder. A little bit more of comfort is needed when you want to have a friends with benefits relationship. However, if you want to get a girlfriend, then a lot of trust and comfort needs to be built. Again, too much comfort will make her see you as a friend, not someone she would date.
If you want to learn more on building trust and comfort with women, definitely check out the Love Systems Interview Series on Introduction to Comfort. You can listen to the first ten minutes for free, just click here.
Thanks to the 'Love Systems' people.
Thursday, October 01, 2009
Going out alone can be scary.......
Going out alone can be scary. A lot of guys don’t have the confidence to go out by themselves. Imagine then how hard it is then to pickup beautiful women all by yourself!
You have no wingman to rely on. It is all on you.
Sometimes you have no choice. You’re on a business trip for a few days or your friends don’t want go out or whatever excuse. Either way, that is not a reason not to go out by yourself to meet women.
So how do you pickup women by yourself?
First off, you have to deal with the excuses that will be coming up that prevents you from going solo. Do you recognize some of these?
-Won’t it look strange if I am by myself?
-I will do a lot better with wings or friends.
-What do I say if they ask me why I am out alone?
-Going out alone is boring.
These are all just (bad) beliefs and excuses in your head that are preventing you from taking action. Your approach anxiety is a lot higher for sarging solo because you have no safety net to fall back on (your friends and wings).
However, there are a lot of advantages to go out alone. It can be done anytime you want. No longer do you have to wait for your wing to come over or meet you somewhere.
You will learn how to be self-sufficient; no more reliance on others for your success.
Another added advantage is that going out alone will improve your confidence level a lot. Yes, it is very scary to go out by yourself.
Once you overcome that fear of being a bar or club by yourself you will feel a lot more confident. Knowing that you can go anywhere alone and feel comfortable will boost your confidence by leaps and bounds.
When you can pickup women by yourself then sarging with wings and friends is like shooting fish in a barrel. It is too easy.
Above all, you will get more practice to improve your game. The fastest way to improve any skill set is doing a lot of practice.
So what are you waiting for? Take action today!
“But sarging solo is so hard.....”
Sarging solo is no doubt very hard. To jumpstart your game you might want to check out this interview.
Love Systems just released an audio interview called “Sarging Solo” that is full of practical advice to learn how to pickup women by yourself.
What do you say when woman asks you “where are your friends?” or “are you here by yourself?”
Knowing how to properly respond to these questions can make or break your interaction.
Also specific routines work better when you are alone whereas some routines might backfire. (If you need more routines, check out the Routines Manual Vol 2. It’s 200 pages full of routines.)
Since you don’t have a wingman there are certain obstacles you need to overcome. The interview includes several solo wingman tactics you can use to prevent friends from pulling away your girl. Plus it includes advanced tactics to make instant wingmen.
And many more tips and strategies are given to successfully pickup women by yourself...
If you want to learn more on picking up women by yourself, grab a copy of the Sarging Solo interview today by clicking here.
You have no wingman to rely on. It is all on you.
Sometimes you have no choice. You’re on a business trip for a few days or your friends don’t want go out or whatever excuse. Either way, that is not a reason not to go out by yourself to meet women.
So how do you pickup women by yourself?
First off, you have to deal with the excuses that will be coming up that prevents you from going solo. Do you recognize some of these?
-Won’t it look strange if I am by myself?
-I will do a lot better with wings or friends.
-What do I say if they ask me why I am out alone?
-Going out alone is boring.
These are all just (bad) beliefs and excuses in your head that are preventing you from taking action. Your approach anxiety is a lot higher for sarging solo because you have no safety net to fall back on (your friends and wings).
However, there are a lot of advantages to go out alone. It can be done anytime you want. No longer do you have to wait for your wing to come over or meet you somewhere.
You will learn how to be self-sufficient; no more reliance on others for your success.
Another added advantage is that going out alone will improve your confidence level a lot. Yes, it is very scary to go out by yourself.
Once you overcome that fear of being a bar or club by yourself you will feel a lot more confident. Knowing that you can go anywhere alone and feel comfortable will boost your confidence by leaps and bounds.
When you can pickup women by yourself then sarging with wings and friends is like shooting fish in a barrel. It is too easy.
Above all, you will get more practice to improve your game. The fastest way to improve any skill set is doing a lot of practice.
So what are you waiting for? Take action today!
“But sarging solo is so hard.....”
Sarging solo is no doubt very hard. To jumpstart your game you might want to check out this interview.
Love Systems just released an audio interview called “Sarging Solo” that is full of practical advice to learn how to pickup women by yourself.
What do you say when woman asks you “where are your friends?” or “are you here by yourself?”
Knowing how to properly respond to these questions can make or break your interaction.
Also specific routines work better when you are alone whereas some routines might backfire. (If you need more routines, check out the Routines Manual Vol 2. It’s 200 pages full of routines.)
Since you don’t have a wingman there are certain obstacles you need to overcome. The interview includes several solo wingman tactics you can use to prevent friends from pulling away your girl. Plus it includes advanced tactics to make instant wingmen.
And many more tips and strategies are given to successfully pickup women by yourself...
If you want to learn more on picking up women by yourself, grab a copy of the Sarging Solo interview today by clicking here.
Love Systems - Great Stuff!
What's REALLY going on here...
Some women don't like the Love Systems Routines Manual and don't think that Love Systems should be publishing it.
They made the book because so many guys see a beautiful woman, or are in conversation with her, and they RUN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY.
(If you're wondering what a "routine" is - it's something you can say or do that gets a specific reaction from a woman. My opening lines are routines. The story I tell about doing live translation of a mugging in Paris is a routine. The way I get a girl to leave the bar and come home with me is a routine. A routine is something I know works that I can use over and over.)
Love Systems went to the top dating coaches, pick up artists, and even "naturals" around the world, and we asked them for their best routines.
Yes, even naturals use routines. They don't call them routines; they call them "their best stuff." Every guy I know who is good with women has his go-to pieces that he always pulls out when he really wants a girl.
They collected all of these. And they put together careful notes on how to use each one. Some routines just aren't meant for the daytime, or for mixed groups. Some are better if you've got a certain personality type. And so on.
The new Love Systems Routines Manual Vol 2 even covered all of the most common responses beautiful women give to the most popular routines, and where to go with each one.
(You can actually get Volume 1 and Volume 2 together for a big discount on that page.)
And that's why everyone is freaking out:
• All new routines. There's no overlap between the two books.
• A guide to each routine. Every routine is introduced with expert advice about when and when not to use it, different variations, and great comebacks to use for the most common responses.
• A full chapter with new openers - never wonder "what do I say?" when you want to approach a woman, group of women, or even mixed groups (women with men with them).
• A whole chapter for each stage of the Emotional Progression Model, including all-new Attraction Routines, Qualification Routines, and Comfort Routines.
• A bonus chapter with phone and text game routines - edited by Love Systems instructor Braddock, the master of phone and text game.
• An additional chapter featuring Day Game routines - edited by Soul, the lead instructor for Love Systems Day Game.
That’s not everything! Love Systems decided to include a whole bunch of extra stuff - stuff they planned to save for future products because it was so dynamite.
• The Love Systems Triad Model in its entirety. They were going to wait for Magic Bullets 2.0 for that, but not anymore. They lay out, for the first time, every step of the secret Love Systems approach. And you benefit.
• Turning things sexual. All of those secret techniques like "seeding" and "sexual framing" that turn cold approaches and "let's just be friends" into same-night lays and sexual relationships.
• Advanced Attraction game, using both "state-based" and "intrigue-based" routines, with dozens of examples of both.
Why does this make people so mad?
I'm not sure, but I'll take a guess.
If anyone can just go download a copy of the Love Systems Routines Manual (Volume 1 or Volume 2) they can have, 5 minutes later, hours and hours and hours of proven DYNAMITE stuff that beautiful women react to.
And since there are two hundred pages and millions of variations, the odds of her having heard any routine remotely similar to yours are pretty close to zero.
This can make some women feel disempowered, or occasionally even defensive.
"It's not fair," women say, or "it gives men an unfair advantage."
(Notice how men don't complain that breast enlargements give women an unfair advantage... but then again, it's socially okay for men to admit that they like women and like sex. Women are supposed to be "good girls." Don't blame Love Systems - if Love Systems were running the world we'd send all the judgmental people to bed without their dessert.)
Of course, anyone who has read the Love Systems Routines Manual Vol 2 knows that while it may give men a huge advantage, it's not "unfair." The aim of the book is to get everyone familiar with what a great routine is and our detailed guide to making your own.
Maybe that's what some people are afraid of.
If every man can make his own powerful, professional-quality routines that he can use to succeed with beautiful women... So get your copy today by clicking here!
Some women don't like the Love Systems Routines Manual and don't think that Love Systems should be publishing it.
They made the book because so many guys see a beautiful woman, or are in conversation with her, and they RUN OUT OF THINGS TO SAY.
(If you're wondering what a "routine" is - it's something you can say or do that gets a specific reaction from a woman. My opening lines are routines. The story I tell about doing live translation of a mugging in Paris is a routine. The way I get a girl to leave the bar and come home with me is a routine. A routine is something I know works that I can use over and over.)
Love Systems went to the top dating coaches, pick up artists, and even "naturals" around the world, and we asked them for their best routines.
Yes, even naturals use routines. They don't call them routines; they call them "their best stuff." Every guy I know who is good with women has his go-to pieces that he always pulls out when he really wants a girl.
They collected all of these. And they put together careful notes on how to use each one. Some routines just aren't meant for the daytime, or for mixed groups. Some are better if you've got a certain personality type. And so on.
The new Love Systems Routines Manual Vol 2 even covered all of the most common responses beautiful women give to the most popular routines, and where to go with each one.
(You can actually get Volume 1 and Volume 2 together for a big discount on that page.)
And that's why everyone is freaking out:
• All new routines. There's no overlap between the two books.
• A guide to each routine. Every routine is introduced with expert advice about when and when not to use it, different variations, and great comebacks to use for the most common responses.
• A full chapter with new openers - never wonder "what do I say?" when you want to approach a woman, group of women, or even mixed groups (women with men with them).
• A whole chapter for each stage of the Emotional Progression Model, including all-new Attraction Routines, Qualification Routines, and Comfort Routines.
• A bonus chapter with phone and text game routines - edited by Love Systems instructor Braddock, the master of phone and text game.
• An additional chapter featuring Day Game routines - edited by Soul, the lead instructor for Love Systems Day Game.
That’s not everything! Love Systems decided to include a whole bunch of extra stuff - stuff they planned to save for future products because it was so dynamite.
• The Love Systems Triad Model in its entirety. They were going to wait for Magic Bullets 2.0 for that, but not anymore. They lay out, for the first time, every step of the secret Love Systems approach. And you benefit.
• Turning things sexual. All of those secret techniques like "seeding" and "sexual framing" that turn cold approaches and "let's just be friends" into same-night lays and sexual relationships.
• Advanced Attraction game, using both "state-based" and "intrigue-based" routines, with dozens of examples of both.
Why does this make people so mad?
I'm not sure, but I'll take a guess.
If anyone can just go download a copy of the Love Systems Routines Manual (Volume 1 or Volume 2) they can have, 5 minutes later, hours and hours and hours of proven DYNAMITE stuff that beautiful women react to.
And since there are two hundred pages and millions of variations, the odds of her having heard any routine remotely similar to yours are pretty close to zero.
This can make some women feel disempowered, or occasionally even defensive.
"It's not fair," women say, or "it gives men an unfair advantage."
(Notice how men don't complain that breast enlargements give women an unfair advantage... but then again, it's socially okay for men to admit that they like women and like sex. Women are supposed to be "good girls." Don't blame Love Systems - if Love Systems were running the world we'd send all the judgmental people to bed without their dessert.)
Of course, anyone who has read the Love Systems Routines Manual Vol 2 knows that while it may give men a huge advantage, it's not "unfair." The aim of the book is to get everyone familiar with what a great routine is and our detailed guide to making your own.
Maybe that's what some people are afraid of.
If every man can make his own powerful, professional-quality routines that he can use to succeed with beautiful women... So get your copy today by clicking here!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
LONDON SPEED SEDUCTION® 3.0 SEMINAR, August 21- 23, 2009
WHO ELSE WANTS TO ATTEND THE AMAZING LONDON SPEED SEDUCTION® 3.0 SEMINAR, August 21- 23, 2009?
Now…Tap The “Operating System” And “Machine Language” Of The Female Psyche To Enjoy Mind-blowing Success, Satisfaction And Skill With Women.
Speed Seduction 3.0 Seminar success with women, pick up women, more seduction success
If you are interested in truly learning my latest, breakthrough Speed Seduction® 3.0 tech-a complete reworking and reinvention of the Speed Seduction® technology-then signing up now for my August 3.0 seminar will be the smartest decision you have ever made.Listen: it doesn’t matter whether you are complete (but curious) newbie to Speed Seduction®, a long time fan and veteran, or somewhere in between.
If you want true, earth-shaking, barrier shattering success and choice with women, you have to come learn this stuff.
Here is why: Over the past 12 years, I’ve been able to peer deep down into the code of how women think, feel, and move their way through their subjective emotional world-and I’ve discovered many new things that this course shares.
But among all of them, I found one that trumps them all-one that brings them all together and also surpasses them.
And it’s one I’ll keep returning to over and over again during the London seminar.
Forget about ever again being confused by a woman’s emotional 180s, her fluctuations between wanting you and pushing you away, her last minute buyers remorse, contradictory signals, sudden loss of interest and other up until now deeply frustrating and seemingly irrational actions.
Speed Seduction 3.0 Seminar success with women, pick up women, more seduction success
Now…Tap The “Operating System” And “Machine Language” Of The Female Psyche To Enjoy Mind-blowing Success, Satisfaction And Skill With Women.
Speed Seduction 3.0 Seminar success with women, pick up women, more seduction success
If you are interested in truly learning my latest, breakthrough Speed Seduction® 3.0 tech-a complete reworking and reinvention of the Speed Seduction® technology-then signing up now for my August 3.0 seminar will be the smartest decision you have ever made.Listen: it doesn’t matter whether you are complete (but curious) newbie to Speed Seduction®, a long time fan and veteran, or somewhere in between.
If you want true, earth-shaking, barrier shattering success and choice with women, you have to come learn this stuff.
Here is why: Over the past 12 years, I’ve been able to peer deep down into the code of how women think, feel, and move their way through their subjective emotional world-and I’ve discovered many new things that this course shares.
But among all of them, I found one that trumps them all-one that brings them all together and also surpasses them.
And it’s one I’ll keep returning to over and over again during the London seminar.
Forget about ever again being confused by a woman’s emotional 180s, her fluctuations between wanting you and pushing you away, her last minute buyers remorse, contradictory signals, sudden loss of interest and other up until now deeply frustrating and seemingly irrational actions.
Speed Seduction 3.0 Seminar success with women, pick up women, more seduction success
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Speed Seduction in London
Ross Jeffries in London 2008, May 30 - 31 & June 1 Speed Seduction®
Ross Jeffries is back in London
Novotel London West
1 Shortlands
Hammersmith
London W6 8DR
United Kingdom
Seminar booking and details
Secrets of Core Self-Control And Permanent, Mega Attractiveness-how to use your Energy, Intent, Awareness and Beliefs to create an unshakeable and permanent attractiveness DESPITE your physical appearances or environmental circumstances, that magnetizes women to you and does HALF the seducing....BEFORE YOU EVEN OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
* Advanced Signal Recognition Technology: How to use 2 SIMPLE questions to have a woman literally HANDING you her "seduction-road map" within the first 10 minutes of conversation, presenting you the most leverageable, manageable and easily amplified feelings, and responses and information you could ever wish for.
* How To Turn The Hottest Woman Into YOUR "Seduction Supplicant"-the ratification, meta-stating and "More Please" principles. Combine these 3 key principles WITH the responses you get from the Signal Recognition questions, and you will not only have her steaming as you turn up the seduction heat, you will have her LITERALLY and with NO exaggeration asking for more.
live female demofrom London SS 2005 seminar
* Secrets of Participation Illusion-Have you ever worried that a woman might feel overwhelmed, manipulated, or just react badly to your seduction moves? Using this amazing principle, you'll be able to be as blatant, up-front, and totally balls-out and never have to worry about being "caught". Even though you will be leading and guiding every step of the way, she will PERCEIVE she is an active co-participant the entire time, so their is NO chance of resistance, buyer's remorse, or last minute balking.
* Secrets of Hyper-Seduction "Constructs"-How To Create A Lust Window For Her World Through Which She Sees YOU As The Sexiest, Hottest, Fuck In Town! Here is how to take find her deepest feelings, super-charge them..and have her look at you THROUGH them, so she sees you as the most desirable, hottest, pussy-pounding guy in town!
* Secrets of Neuro-Energetic Restructuring™ For Dramatic Personal Power And Self-Change. This part of the seminar is about YOU. You'll watch as I take folks in front of the room and wipe out LIFE LONG fears/complexes in MINUTES using my latest breakthroughs in energetic restructing/transformation and change.
* How To Meet Women Easily, ANYWHERE-Here are the secrets of the Gold Walk Up Diamond, guaranteeing you’ll easily meet women anytime, anywhere and NEVER worry about what to say!
* A REAL "Jedi Mind Trick" combining vague language, energy control and projected mental imagery to LITERALLY throw sexual thoughts into her head! (Could you use this for business and other persuasive applications? YOU BET YOUR SWEET ANACONDA'S UNCLE!)
* Secrets of Structured Seduction Intent: How To Create Mini "Seduction Milestones" So You Stay Right On Track, Know Exactly How Close You Are, And What Work Still Remains To Be Done. You'll NEVER feel lost or without direction again once you use this secret to stay on track with your seductions like a heat-seeking missile headed RIGHT UP HER TAIL PIPE!(ok..I went a little far with that metaphor..so SUE me!)
*Structured -Kiss Closing/Physical Close Secrets: Is she ready? Is she really READY READY? Here's how to test throughout so you don't over-work yourself OR her, including some very naughty turn ons that do NOT include lip-kissing, that will slip right past her guard, get her hot and bothered and ready to jump your Levi-snake like a hungry cat pouncing a bird! Plus an extra BONUS section on using erotic massage to get her!
New Ross Jeffries podcast to appear shortly on this site.........
Ross Jeffries is back in London
Novotel London West
1 Shortlands
Hammersmith
London W6 8DR
United Kingdom
Seminar booking and details
Secrets of Core Self-Control And Permanent, Mega Attractiveness-how to use your Energy, Intent, Awareness and Beliefs to create an unshakeable and permanent attractiveness DESPITE your physical appearances or environmental circumstances, that magnetizes women to you and does HALF the seducing....BEFORE YOU EVEN OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
* Advanced Signal Recognition Technology: How to use 2 SIMPLE questions to have a woman literally HANDING you her "seduction-road map" within the first 10 minutes of conversation, presenting you the most leverageable, manageable and easily amplified feelings, and responses and information you could ever wish for.
* How To Turn The Hottest Woman Into YOUR "Seduction Supplicant"-the ratification, meta-stating and "More Please" principles. Combine these 3 key principles WITH the responses you get from the Signal Recognition questions, and you will not only have her steaming as you turn up the seduction heat, you will have her LITERALLY and with NO exaggeration asking for more.
live female demofrom London SS 2005 seminar
* Secrets of Participation Illusion-Have you ever worried that a woman might feel overwhelmed, manipulated, or just react badly to your seduction moves? Using this amazing principle, you'll be able to be as blatant, up-front, and totally balls-out and never have to worry about being "caught". Even though you will be leading and guiding every step of the way, she will PERCEIVE she is an active co-participant the entire time, so their is NO chance of resistance, buyer's remorse, or last minute balking.
* Secrets of Hyper-Seduction "Constructs"-How To Create A Lust Window For Her World Through Which She Sees YOU As The Sexiest, Hottest, Fuck In Town! Here is how to take find her deepest feelings, super-charge them..and have her look at you THROUGH them, so she sees you as the most desirable, hottest, pussy-pounding guy in town!
* Secrets of Neuro-Energetic Restructuring™ For Dramatic Personal Power And Self-Change. This part of the seminar is about YOU. You'll watch as I take folks in front of the room and wipe out LIFE LONG fears/complexes in MINUTES using my latest breakthroughs in energetic restructing/transformation and change.
* How To Meet Women Easily, ANYWHERE-Here are the secrets of the Gold Walk Up Diamond, guaranteeing you’ll easily meet women anytime, anywhere and NEVER worry about what to say!
* A REAL "Jedi Mind Trick" combining vague language, energy control and projected mental imagery to LITERALLY throw sexual thoughts into her head! (Could you use this for business and other persuasive applications? YOU BET YOUR SWEET ANACONDA'S UNCLE!)
* Secrets of Structured Seduction Intent: How To Create Mini "Seduction Milestones" So You Stay Right On Track, Know Exactly How Close You Are, And What Work Still Remains To Be Done. You'll NEVER feel lost or without direction again once you use this secret to stay on track with your seductions like a heat-seeking missile headed RIGHT UP HER TAIL PIPE!(ok..I went a little far with that metaphor..so SUE me!)
*Structured -Kiss Closing/Physical Close Secrets: Is she ready? Is she really READY READY? Here's how to test throughout so you don't over-work yourself OR her, including some very naughty turn ons that do NOT include lip-kissing, that will slip right past her guard, get her hot and bothered and ready to jump your Levi-snake like a hungry cat pouncing a bird! Plus an extra BONUS section on using erotic massage to get her!
New Ross Jeffries podcast to appear shortly on this site.........
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
10 fatal mistakes men make with women
10 Fatal mistakes men make with women!
While these are basically sales material from Ross Jeffries and David DeAngelo I think there is a strong element of truth in both of them.
10 Fatal mistakes men make with women (FREE e-report)
10 Mistakes men make with women (Link to blog article)Feel free to comment!!
Or comment on our NLP Experts Forum
Michael
01908 506563
While these are basically sales material from Ross Jeffries and David DeAngelo I think there is a strong element of truth in both of them.
10 Fatal mistakes men make with women (FREE e-report)
10 Mistakes men make with women (Link to blog article)Feel free to comment!!
Or comment on our NLP Experts Forum
Michael
01908 506563
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Richard La Ruina (Aka Gambler) podcast transcript
Discussion between NLP trainer Michael Beale and Seduction trainer Richard La Ruina. January 2008.
(Please allow 2 minutes for the MP3 file to download if you want to listen to the discussion)
http://www.nlp-expert.co.uk/seduction/richard_l.mp3
Michael : I'm really pleased that we have Richard with us this afternoon, who's written 'The Natural Art of Seduction' and runs live training sessions in London .
Richard : Thank you for inviting me.
Michael : Can you kick off by giving our listeners a bit of an introduction to yourself, a little bit about your background and what you do at the moment?
Richard : Sure, my name is Richard La Ruina and I'm currently a fulltime trainer, I train men in how to be better with women, and we do this in a different way to life coaches and other people, we actually train guys in practical, usable techniques.
We demonstrate for them on women and we actually take them out and hone their skills until they're able to do the things that they come to be able to learn - for example getting dates, getting numbers, being more attractive, we'll give them a guide to fashion, we'll work on them in every way.
And as well as doing that I run the business, I've just written a book the book that you're talking about 'The Natural Art of Seduction'. My background is that I was actually very bad with women myself, and I had to learn all of this stuff from scratch. I was someone that was bad socially, I was painfully shy, I was an introvert, and I was kind of stuck in a rut - I didn't have the ability to make friends, and I didn't have the ability to socialise, and of course I didn't have the ability to meet women, get them attracted to me, get dates, to be interesting on dates, and all these things that are very important in having a happy love life.
Michael : And how did you actually get into the seduction business? You obviously went through some transformation.
Richard : I think a lot of guys have heard of Ross Jefferies, and I did actually see his materials a while back, he does NLP for seduction basically - and I was studying NLP, the old Bandler and Grinder books and those sorts of things, but I didn't actually take it seriously, that wasn't the turning point for me.
The turning point for me when I met an American seduction-guru by chance in Leister Square, and he recommended some books and websites, and that started my journey. At first it was just six months of just staying in my house and reading books and watching videos and listening to audio, and after that it was applying that in the real world in London.
Michael : Moving on from that, in your book you mention three characters, Mr Sociable, Mr Comfort and Mr Seducer, can you just talk a little bit about them and particularly the sequence that they could be used in?
Richard : Sure - the basic idea is based on the type of customer I get and just the problems that I normally encounter when I'm teaching someone. These are normally guys that are interesting, they're nice guys that would make a good boyfriend, and they're unable to demonstrate that to a girl in the first few minutes - they start the conversation in a boring way, they ask lots of boring questions, and they're very low energy - and it makes them very hard to get started, to get the good first impression.
So the idea is, that they're good when they're in a one-on-one situation, when they're comfortable. And that's actually later on in an interaction with a stranger, that's maybe half an hour in the middle of it, so what they need to do is they need to develop these extrovert skills, these qualities of the sociable person, and this comes in the first character which is this fun, sociable guy.
His job is to be more interesting than what they are doing currently. So if they're talking to someone that's bored by a tube station waiting for someone, it's going to be quite easy to be more interesting than that. However, if you're talking to some girls that have been drinking, they're in a big group, they're in a loud environment, it's going to be tougher.
So the idea is to give them a toolkit so that they can adjust how interesting they are, how high their energy levels are, so that they have the ability to start a conversation and get to the point where people are engaged with them and do that consistently in all different environments. So that's the job of the fun, sociable guy.
The second character is Mr Comfort, and his job is to connect, to find reasons to see that person again, to get over this surface level banter that we have with our hair dresser, and with our aunt that we see every six months - and get down to really what makes that person tick, their motivation, their character traits, their emotions, these things.
The third character is The Seducer, because I found a lot of men were having the problem of making friends with a woman that they really wanted as a girlfriend, and it was happening because they were missing that point where they needed to escalate things and needed to put in some sexual tension, and to go for the kiss, so they also need to learn the characteristics of someone who is very seductive.
And have the ability to inject sexual tension into a situation, so that a woman that's sitting there thinking 'this guys interesting' starts thinking, 'actually I'd like to kiss this guy.' 'Is he single?' 'Could he maybe be my boyfriend?'.So the three characters are a way of applying a structure to a woman that you've just met, with the aim of progressing through the stages of being two strangers, of being in a conversation, and then eventually taking things to the point where you could see them as a romantic partner, and go for the kiss. And this kind of thing.
Michael : And is the sequence important?
Richard : The sequence is always the same in 95% of cases. The only cases where it wouldn't be the same are where you already know the person or maybe when you're in a very noisy nightclub.
Michael : And how would it be different if you knew the person? and how it be different if you were in a noisy nightclub?
Richard : If you already know a person, you don't generally have to worry about the first two stages, you're already in a situation where they won't reject you if you start talking to them, and they know something about you so there's not too much work to be done in terms of building trust and comfort - there might even be quite a bit of connection.
Generally the only elements that would be missing are them seeing you as a potential mate, and making them feel attracted to you. Kind of bridging that gap between friend and boyfriend.
In the nightclub it's different because you can't do so much verbally, so you can't really have this in-depth chat, and you can be a lot more sexual, so you might find that you could meet a girl and very quickly be kissing her, and then you could go off and have a chat afterwards, and fill in the blanks in the getting-to-know-her part.
Michael : I appreciate that I'm asking you for a huge generalisation because every body's different, but what generally are the sorts of characteristics that make men attractive to women?
Richard : It's not that much of a generalisation, I think there are character types that are almost universally attractive. Women always say 'confidence' and the worst advice to men is to 'just be confident' because you really don't have to do that, but if you think about it - what makes up confidence? I think that it's a sense of comfort with your environment, and with conversation, so if a guy approaches a woman and is sweating and nervous and uncomfortable, it's going to be hard for her to relax and it's going to be hard for her to find him attractive.
If he's completely comfortable in that environment, completely comfortable talking to strangers, completely comfortable talking to her, that's one attractive quality that comes with confidence.
So are things like certainty, in what you say and a strong reality, so someone that meet a girl, and she says 'oh I like sushi, do you like it?' and the guy goes '...yeah, yeah I do...' he doesn't, he's just saying - he wants to agree with her, he's saying 'me too'.
Someone who seeks rapport when it's not really there, someone that would bend and change, and shift his viewpoint, because he wants her to approve of him - someone who is unsure about themself so needs to get this approval off of other people, to get this connection with other people, is not very attractive.
A man that has a sense of purpose in life, has something that he's doing, other than wanting her - so he's into his business, he's very into his person development, whatever it might be, if there's something that's a passion - it's very attractive to meet someone that has passions and interests and doesn't just give all of that up once they meet someone that they become romantically involved in.
I think that women want someone who is slightly unattainable. They never 100% have them. And the guy is obviously attractive to other women. And she's not there whenever she wants him.
So he does do other things, he does go to classes. And in the early stages of a relationship he's not available for dates every day of the week, he's not calling her every day, he's not sending her flowers every Tuesday. There's a bit of unpredictability and unattainableness, because I think men generally say 'you're an attractive women, I'm here, I want you here anytime, just let me know' and women are the ones that are slightly hard to pin down, that are busy doing things, that don't give up their activities and interests to go on a date, but a man will dump all his trends, all his plans, if an attractive woman wants to go on a date with him.
So you can look at these principles as pretty much universal, and they come from a wider umbrella of confidence and how does a confident, successful man behave? And the useful thing is that you can apply them, almost as techniques while you build the confidence.
Michael : So you're saying actually, playing with this stuff or exploring this stuff, is actually a means in itself of developing those traits.
Richard : Of course yeah. Because if you know the correct body language traits, for example, you will be in the club and you will look more attractive. Because you'll have the right body language you'll get better reactions - you getting those good reactions will make you feel better - you knowing that you don't look uncomfortable or unconfident anymore will make you feel better.
When you have some, even silly chat up lines, and you go and use them in bars and in the streets, that's going to give you confidence because you get not-so bad response. So all along the process, as long as you're seeing improvement and learning things, and applying it, you should naturally build your confidence.
I think I've changed from someone who was scared of everything, scared of standing up in class, scared of meeting friends of friends - I'd blush, I'd shake, and I'd just avoid any sort of conversation. Now I embrace it, I'm happy to go on live TV, I'm happy to speak in front of five hundred people. Nothing really phases me, and that's happened gradually, just getting success, just getting the technique, trying it, and getting the results, and there was a snowball effect.
Michael : Now what you're doing follows on from The Game and Mystery, and other people - what do you think you're doing that's different? Is is the same as they've been doing, or have you added your own thing to it?
Richard : It's only the same in the very broad sense that it's seduction. And it's teaching guys how to be better with women.
I'd say that the main thing that distinguishes us is that we're taking a wider approach - we don't want the demand to just be more attractive in just those five minutes, we don't want to give into the lies and the tricks that work for a few hours, we see that as a road to unhappiness.
We want to teach the natural skills, the ones that he can use at work, with friends, to just become generally more sociable, more popular and become a better person, rather than fake it with routines and gimmicks and magic tricks.We thinks they're very shallow - we think that there's a much better way to do things, and that if you keep your approach flexible, and you adjust it based on the woman that you're talking to - rather than treating all women the same, and in a lot of cases misleading them, or tricking them for the short-term game.
Michael : A question that I find curious - what do you think it is in simple terms that is the difference between a man seducing a woman and a woman seducing a man?
Richard : Well, the big difference that men and women have is that the man is the one that has to approach, he has to ask to spend time with the woman, to be able to get her number, to be able to go on a date, he has to make the move for the kiss - he basically has to lead and ask questions all the way through the interaction - and the woman's job is simply to let it happen or to block it.
Michael : If you were going to teach a woman to attract a man, would you be teaching them similar things or would you be teaching her different things?
Richard : I would teach them very different things, I would maybe teach them on body language, a fashion and style and the types of things that would get men come up and talk to them more.
However I would assume that if they went and stood in a bar they would have guys come up and talk to them because that's the general situation that women are in, and I think that they're job once men come up and talk to them is quite limited because the guy's already decided that he finds her attractive sexually, if he's come to chat them up.
So their job in that situation is to decided whether that man is any good or not.
So he's going to be presenting his best self, it might be true, it might not be. So she needs a way to separate the wheat from the chaff when approached by all these guys.
A lot of women make the mistake of approaching the wrong man over and over again, and one of the reasons its so hard to tell the difference between the man with the fake smile and all the great things, and the guy that's just making it up.
The other thing is, when they've found the guy that they want, how do they keep him? That's an issue for women as well, so they have this girl that they really like, but the man has gone from seeing her as this challenge, this beauty, that he wants to get into a relationship with, and now she' s become an ordinary woman, and now she's that and eyes go roaming and he might go elsewhere.
Michael : Before we come to the end of this conversation, and before I ask you if there's anything that you'd like to plug , or give your contact details - is there anything else that you'd like to say in addition, or in summary about seduction that you think is important that maybe we haven't covered?
Richard : It's a massive area, it's always hard when I have to cut things down.
One take away that I'd give is no matter your situation at the moment, whatever your level, whatever mistakes you've made, whatever bad things have happened to you, or even good things - you can always be better, this is now an area rich knowledge, lots of resources, and a few experts that can help you along the way, so if you're willing to dedicate the time and the effort, you can become very, very good, and these skills translate themselves very well outside the area of seduction.
I'm very good in meetings or job interviews, whatever the situation that involves social interaction, so there's wide, far-reaching benefits, so there's definitely something you can handle.
Michael : Is there anything you'd like to plug, and could you leave us your contact details?
Richard : Sure thing. The easiest way to check out the kind of stuff I teach is to check out the book, 'The Natural Art of Seduction' which is in Amazon and in bookshops everywhere, the other thing you should do is check out my website which is www.puatraining.com which has free video, audio, lots of free stuff and also a way for you to get in touch with me.
Michael : Excellent, thank you very much Richard.
Richard : Thank you.
(Please allow 2 minutes for the MP3 file to download if you want to listen to the discussion)
http://www.nlp-expert.co.uk/seduction/richard_l.mp3
Michael : I'm really pleased that we have Richard with us this afternoon, who's written 'The Natural Art of Seduction' and runs live training sessions in London .
Richard : Thank you for inviting me.
Michael : Can you kick off by giving our listeners a bit of an introduction to yourself, a little bit about your background and what you do at the moment?
Richard : Sure, my name is Richard La Ruina and I'm currently a fulltime trainer, I train men in how to be better with women, and we do this in a different way to life coaches and other people, we actually train guys in practical, usable techniques.
We demonstrate for them on women and we actually take them out and hone their skills until they're able to do the things that they come to be able to learn - for example getting dates, getting numbers, being more attractive, we'll give them a guide to fashion, we'll work on them in every way.
And as well as doing that I run the business, I've just written a book the book that you're talking about 'The Natural Art of Seduction'. My background is that I was actually very bad with women myself, and I had to learn all of this stuff from scratch. I was someone that was bad socially, I was painfully shy, I was an introvert, and I was kind of stuck in a rut - I didn't have the ability to make friends, and I didn't have the ability to socialise, and of course I didn't have the ability to meet women, get them attracted to me, get dates, to be interesting on dates, and all these things that are very important in having a happy love life.
Michael : And how did you actually get into the seduction business? You obviously went through some transformation.
Richard : I think a lot of guys have heard of Ross Jefferies, and I did actually see his materials a while back, he does NLP for seduction basically - and I was studying NLP, the old Bandler and Grinder books and those sorts of things, but I didn't actually take it seriously, that wasn't the turning point for me.
The turning point for me when I met an American seduction-guru by chance in Leister Square, and he recommended some books and websites, and that started my journey. At first it was just six months of just staying in my house and reading books and watching videos and listening to audio, and after that it was applying that in the real world in London.
Michael : Moving on from that, in your book you mention three characters, Mr Sociable, Mr Comfort and Mr Seducer, can you just talk a little bit about them and particularly the sequence that they could be used in?
Richard : Sure - the basic idea is based on the type of customer I get and just the problems that I normally encounter when I'm teaching someone. These are normally guys that are interesting, they're nice guys that would make a good boyfriend, and they're unable to demonstrate that to a girl in the first few minutes - they start the conversation in a boring way, they ask lots of boring questions, and they're very low energy - and it makes them very hard to get started, to get the good first impression.
So the idea is, that they're good when they're in a one-on-one situation, when they're comfortable. And that's actually later on in an interaction with a stranger, that's maybe half an hour in the middle of it, so what they need to do is they need to develop these extrovert skills, these qualities of the sociable person, and this comes in the first character which is this fun, sociable guy.
His job is to be more interesting than what they are doing currently. So if they're talking to someone that's bored by a tube station waiting for someone, it's going to be quite easy to be more interesting than that. However, if you're talking to some girls that have been drinking, they're in a big group, they're in a loud environment, it's going to be tougher.
So the idea is to give them a toolkit so that they can adjust how interesting they are, how high their energy levels are, so that they have the ability to start a conversation and get to the point where people are engaged with them and do that consistently in all different environments. So that's the job of the fun, sociable guy.
The second character is Mr Comfort, and his job is to connect, to find reasons to see that person again, to get over this surface level banter that we have with our hair dresser, and with our aunt that we see every six months - and get down to really what makes that person tick, their motivation, their character traits, their emotions, these things.
The third character is The Seducer, because I found a lot of men were having the problem of making friends with a woman that they really wanted as a girlfriend, and it was happening because they were missing that point where they needed to escalate things and needed to put in some sexual tension, and to go for the kiss, so they also need to learn the characteristics of someone who is very seductive.
And have the ability to inject sexual tension into a situation, so that a woman that's sitting there thinking 'this guys interesting' starts thinking, 'actually I'd like to kiss this guy.' 'Is he single?' 'Could he maybe be my boyfriend?'.So the three characters are a way of applying a structure to a woman that you've just met, with the aim of progressing through the stages of being two strangers, of being in a conversation, and then eventually taking things to the point where you could see them as a romantic partner, and go for the kiss. And this kind of thing.
Michael : And is the sequence important?
Richard : The sequence is always the same in 95% of cases. The only cases where it wouldn't be the same are where you already know the person or maybe when you're in a very noisy nightclub.
Michael : And how would it be different if you knew the person? and how it be different if you were in a noisy nightclub?
Richard : If you already know a person, you don't generally have to worry about the first two stages, you're already in a situation where they won't reject you if you start talking to them, and they know something about you so there's not too much work to be done in terms of building trust and comfort - there might even be quite a bit of connection.
Generally the only elements that would be missing are them seeing you as a potential mate, and making them feel attracted to you. Kind of bridging that gap between friend and boyfriend.
In the nightclub it's different because you can't do so much verbally, so you can't really have this in-depth chat, and you can be a lot more sexual, so you might find that you could meet a girl and very quickly be kissing her, and then you could go off and have a chat afterwards, and fill in the blanks in the getting-to-know-her part.
Michael : I appreciate that I'm asking you for a huge generalisation because every body's different, but what generally are the sorts of characteristics that make men attractive to women?
Richard : It's not that much of a generalisation, I think there are character types that are almost universally attractive. Women always say 'confidence' and the worst advice to men is to 'just be confident' because you really don't have to do that, but if you think about it - what makes up confidence? I think that it's a sense of comfort with your environment, and with conversation, so if a guy approaches a woman and is sweating and nervous and uncomfortable, it's going to be hard for her to relax and it's going to be hard for her to find him attractive.
If he's completely comfortable in that environment, completely comfortable talking to strangers, completely comfortable talking to her, that's one attractive quality that comes with confidence.
So are things like certainty, in what you say and a strong reality, so someone that meet a girl, and she says 'oh I like sushi, do you like it?' and the guy goes '...yeah, yeah I do...' he doesn't, he's just saying - he wants to agree with her, he's saying 'me too'.
Someone who seeks rapport when it's not really there, someone that would bend and change, and shift his viewpoint, because he wants her to approve of him - someone who is unsure about themself so needs to get this approval off of other people, to get this connection with other people, is not very attractive.
A man that has a sense of purpose in life, has something that he's doing, other than wanting her - so he's into his business, he's very into his person development, whatever it might be, if there's something that's a passion - it's very attractive to meet someone that has passions and interests and doesn't just give all of that up once they meet someone that they become romantically involved in.
I think that women want someone who is slightly unattainable. They never 100% have them. And the guy is obviously attractive to other women. And she's not there whenever she wants him.
So he does do other things, he does go to classes. And in the early stages of a relationship he's not available for dates every day of the week, he's not calling her every day, he's not sending her flowers every Tuesday. There's a bit of unpredictability and unattainableness, because I think men generally say 'you're an attractive women, I'm here, I want you here anytime, just let me know' and women are the ones that are slightly hard to pin down, that are busy doing things, that don't give up their activities and interests to go on a date, but a man will dump all his trends, all his plans, if an attractive woman wants to go on a date with him.
So you can look at these principles as pretty much universal, and they come from a wider umbrella of confidence and how does a confident, successful man behave? And the useful thing is that you can apply them, almost as techniques while you build the confidence.
Michael : So you're saying actually, playing with this stuff or exploring this stuff, is actually a means in itself of developing those traits.
Richard : Of course yeah. Because if you know the correct body language traits, for example, you will be in the club and you will look more attractive. Because you'll have the right body language you'll get better reactions - you getting those good reactions will make you feel better - you knowing that you don't look uncomfortable or unconfident anymore will make you feel better.
When you have some, even silly chat up lines, and you go and use them in bars and in the streets, that's going to give you confidence because you get not-so bad response. So all along the process, as long as you're seeing improvement and learning things, and applying it, you should naturally build your confidence.
I think I've changed from someone who was scared of everything, scared of standing up in class, scared of meeting friends of friends - I'd blush, I'd shake, and I'd just avoid any sort of conversation. Now I embrace it, I'm happy to go on live TV, I'm happy to speak in front of five hundred people. Nothing really phases me, and that's happened gradually, just getting success, just getting the technique, trying it, and getting the results, and there was a snowball effect.
Michael : Now what you're doing follows on from The Game and Mystery, and other people - what do you think you're doing that's different? Is is the same as they've been doing, or have you added your own thing to it?
Richard : It's only the same in the very broad sense that it's seduction. And it's teaching guys how to be better with women.
I'd say that the main thing that distinguishes us is that we're taking a wider approach - we don't want the demand to just be more attractive in just those five minutes, we don't want to give into the lies and the tricks that work for a few hours, we see that as a road to unhappiness.
We want to teach the natural skills, the ones that he can use at work, with friends, to just become generally more sociable, more popular and become a better person, rather than fake it with routines and gimmicks and magic tricks.We thinks they're very shallow - we think that there's a much better way to do things, and that if you keep your approach flexible, and you adjust it based on the woman that you're talking to - rather than treating all women the same, and in a lot of cases misleading them, or tricking them for the short-term game.
Michael : A question that I find curious - what do you think it is in simple terms that is the difference between a man seducing a woman and a woman seducing a man?
Richard : Well, the big difference that men and women have is that the man is the one that has to approach, he has to ask to spend time with the woman, to be able to get her number, to be able to go on a date, he has to make the move for the kiss - he basically has to lead and ask questions all the way through the interaction - and the woman's job is simply to let it happen or to block it.
Michael : If you were going to teach a woman to attract a man, would you be teaching them similar things or would you be teaching her different things?
Richard : I would teach them very different things, I would maybe teach them on body language, a fashion and style and the types of things that would get men come up and talk to them more.
However I would assume that if they went and stood in a bar they would have guys come up and talk to them because that's the general situation that women are in, and I think that they're job once men come up and talk to them is quite limited because the guy's already decided that he finds her attractive sexually, if he's come to chat them up.
So their job in that situation is to decided whether that man is any good or not.
So he's going to be presenting his best self, it might be true, it might not be. So she needs a way to separate the wheat from the chaff when approached by all these guys.
A lot of women make the mistake of approaching the wrong man over and over again, and one of the reasons its so hard to tell the difference between the man with the fake smile and all the great things, and the guy that's just making it up.
The other thing is, when they've found the guy that they want, how do they keep him? That's an issue for women as well, so they have this girl that they really like, but the man has gone from seeing her as this challenge, this beauty, that he wants to get into a relationship with, and now she' s become an ordinary woman, and now she's that and eyes go roaming and he might go elsewhere.
Michael : Before we come to the end of this conversation, and before I ask you if there's anything that you'd like to plug , or give your contact details - is there anything else that you'd like to say in addition, or in summary about seduction that you think is important that maybe we haven't covered?
Richard : It's a massive area, it's always hard when I have to cut things down.
One take away that I'd give is no matter your situation at the moment, whatever your level, whatever mistakes you've made, whatever bad things have happened to you, or even good things - you can always be better, this is now an area rich knowledge, lots of resources, and a few experts that can help you along the way, so if you're willing to dedicate the time and the effort, you can become very, very good, and these skills translate themselves very well outside the area of seduction.
I'm very good in meetings or job interviews, whatever the situation that involves social interaction, so there's wide, far-reaching benefits, so there's definitely something you can handle.
Michael : Is there anything you'd like to plug, and could you leave us your contact details?
Richard : Sure thing. The easiest way to check out the kind of stuff I teach is to check out the book, 'The Natural Art of Seduction' which is in Amazon and in bookshops everywhere, the other thing you should do is check out my website which is www.puatraining.com which has free video, audio, lots of free stuff and also a way for you to get in touch with me.
Michael : Excellent, thank you very much Richard.
Richard : Thank you.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Richard La Ruina (Aka Gambler) podcast released
NLP, Seduction and attraction podcast
Richard La Ruina (aka Gambler) had nothing – no friends, no women, no social skills. That was in March 2005. Now he has so many hot female friends that he could fill a nightclub with them, he knows guys that are super cool and amazing fun to hang out with, he has made it to the upper echelons of the London scene, breezing in for free in all the top venues...
Listen to the podcast discussion between NLP trainer Michael Beale and Richard La Ruina, January 2008, please allow up to 2 minutes for the MP3 file to download.
http://www.nlp-expert.co.uk/seduction/richard_l.mp3
Richard La Ruina's The Natural Art of Seduction book is a sort of development from 'The Game' and 'Mystery Method' and builds on sussessful formula and content of both books. Most of the stories in the book take place in the UK. Recommended.
Michael
01908 506563
PPI Business NLP
Richard La Ruina (aka Gambler) had nothing – no friends, no women, no social skills. That was in March 2005. Now he has so many hot female friends that he could fill a nightclub with them, he knows guys that are super cool and amazing fun to hang out with, he has made it to the upper echelons of the London scene, breezing in for free in all the top venues...
Listen to the podcast discussion between NLP trainer Michael Beale and Richard La Ruina, January 2008, please allow up to 2 minutes for the MP3 file to download.
http://www.nlp-expert.co.uk/seduction/richard_l.mp3
Richard La Ruina's The Natural Art of Seduction book is a sort of development from 'The Game' and 'Mystery Method' and builds on sussessful formula and content of both books. Most of the stories in the book take place in the UK. Recommended.
Michael
01908 506563
PPI Business NLP
Friday, September 21, 2007
Attraction and seduction books
Selection of my favorite attraction and seduction books:
For men and mainly about women,
The Game is a sort of biography of the key players in the 'Seduction Industry'. I found it equally sad, honest, useful and extrememly interesting. One on my sons made the comment "It's as much about male bonding as seduction." Hilarious glossary of terms at the end.
Mystery is one of the main 'players' in the Game above. The 'Mystery Method' summarises his suggested approaches. One of his predaicates is that men are naturally attracted to women with high 'replication' value and women are attracted to men with a high 'survivor' value. Well worth a read. Recommended.
Ross Jeffries is often considered the original 'speed seducer' and is also featured in the 'The Game'. I like Ross' stuff although this book is not up to his DVD's How to get the women..
Richard La Ruina's The Natural Art of Seduction is a sort of development from 'The Game' and 'Mystery Method' and builds on sussessful formula and content of both books. Most of the stories in the book take place in the UK. Recommended.
'The Cube' is simply a fun, short imagination game which can capture the imagination...
'Sperm Wars' has been described as the 'most entertaining' science book of its year. Quoting the back cover "Evolution has programmed men to conquor and monopololise women while women, without knowing they are doing it seek the best genetic input available..."
"Fullfilment isn't a matter of a better position, a better body, or a better partner - it's about unlocking inhibitions and finding one's unique keys to pleasure".
Ordinary Women, Extraordinary Sex is a study of the charachteristics of women who enjoy hightened pleasure during sex.
Its alledged that men read and watch pornography while women are attracted to reading romance novels. A huge number of them infact (25% of all books sold?). Why are all the hero's mean, moody and magnificant? And bad in some way.......
(Although this ties in with Mystery's idea that women are naturally attracted to men with high 'suirvival' skills)
The book explores and explodes some myths about romance novels.
The 'Red Queen' is about the how's and why's of the evolutionary struggle between men and women and has recommendations from Richard Dawkins and the Wall Street Journal.
Strong stuff.
Has the male 'human mind' evolved like the 'peacocks tail' and become attractive to women? 'The Mating Mind' explores some human behaviour and advocates that some of our behaviour is actually about displaying our attractiveness to mates.....
Break, Blow, Burn - Camille Paglia explores and dissects 43 of her (and in many cases the world's ) favorite poems. If you have even a small interest in genuine poetry. Buy, read, enjoy It!
Sexual Personae is a ruthless, menacing and brilliant dissection of the best of English literature. Its a huge 'tome' (736 pages) but if you have an interest in the darker and sexual side of (almost all of ) English literature buy it!
"In the beginning their was nature. The background from which and against which our ideas of God were formed, nature remains the supreme moral problem. We cannot hope to understand sex and gender until we clarify our ideas towards nature. Sex is a subset to nature. Sex is the natural in man.......
Simply a fun book looking at why some women like 'bad boys.'
Michael
PPI Business NLP
Business NLP training provider of choice
For men and mainly about women,
The Game is a sort of biography of the key players in the 'Seduction Industry'. I found it equally sad, honest, useful and extrememly interesting. One on my sons made the comment "It's as much about male bonding as seduction." Hilarious glossary of terms at the end.
Mystery is one of the main 'players' in the Game above. The 'Mystery Method' summarises his suggested approaches. One of his predaicates is that men are naturally attracted to women with high 'replication' value and women are attracted to men with a high 'survivor' value. Well worth a read. Recommended.
Ross Jeffries is often considered the original 'speed seducer' and is also featured in the 'The Game'. I like Ross' stuff although this book is not up to his DVD's How to get the women..
Richard La Ruina's The Natural Art of Seduction is a sort of development from 'The Game' and 'Mystery Method' and builds on sussessful formula and content of both books. Most of the stories in the book take place in the UK. Recommended.
'The Cube' is simply a fun, short imagination game which can capture the imagination...
'Sperm Wars' has been described as the 'most entertaining' science book of its year. Quoting the back cover "Evolution has programmed men to conquor and monopololise women while women, without knowing they are doing it seek the best genetic input available..."
"Fullfilment isn't a matter of a better position, a better body, or a better partner - it's about unlocking inhibitions and finding one's unique keys to pleasure".
Ordinary Women, Extraordinary Sex is a study of the charachteristics of women who enjoy hightened pleasure during sex.
Its alledged that men read and watch pornography while women are attracted to reading romance novels. A huge number of them infact (25% of all books sold?). Why are all the hero's mean, moody and magnificant? And bad in some way.......
(Although this ties in with Mystery's idea that women are naturally attracted to men with high 'suirvival' skills)
The book explores and explodes some myths about romance novels.
The 'Red Queen' is about the how's and why's of the evolutionary struggle between men and women and has recommendations from Richard Dawkins and the Wall Street Journal.
Strong stuff.
Has the male 'human mind' evolved like the 'peacocks tail' and become attractive to women? 'The Mating Mind' explores some human behaviour and advocates that some of our behaviour is actually about displaying our attractiveness to mates.....
Break, Blow, Burn - Camille Paglia explores and dissects 43 of her (and in many cases the world's ) favorite poems. If you have even a small interest in genuine poetry. Buy, read, enjoy It!
Sexual Personae is a ruthless, menacing and brilliant dissection of the best of English literature. Its a huge 'tome' (736 pages) but if you have an interest in the darker and sexual side of (almost all of ) English literature buy it!
"In the beginning their was nature. The background from which and against which our ideas of God were formed, nature remains the supreme moral problem. We cannot hope to understand sex and gender until we clarify our ideas towards nature. Sex is a subset to nature. Sex is the natural in man.......
Simply a fun book looking at why some women like 'bad boys.'
Michael
PPI Business NLP
Business NLP training provider of choice
Friday, September 07, 2007
THE Ross Jeffies Speed Seduction Interview
A Conversation with Ross Jeffries, Speed Seduction Guru and NLP Trainer Michael Beale conducted September 2007
You can listen to a recording of this conversation from http://www.nlp-expert.co.uk/seduction/ross.mp3
(but allow 1 minute for connection)
Michael: Firstly, I'd like to say that I found some of your stuff very useful regarding attracting women but also, I think you've made some new distinctions around NLP which I think other people haven't done. So I personally found your stuff exceptionally useful.
Ross: Thank you. That's very flattering. I appreciate that.
Michael: The first thing I would like to say though is that sometimes I get a bit shocked by your advertising copy.
Ross: My advertising copy was largely influenced by one person -- my copywriting and marketing guru Gary Halbert. Gary Halbert once said "When it comes to writing, people don't have time to understand your pathetic subtleties" and I never forgot that!
Michael: Presumably up to now, it's worked for you.
Ross: Yes.
Michael: OK. Going back, how did actually get involved in SS and how did you actually find out the first patterns?
Ross: That's funny because I was just writing a post about this on my blog. My greatest success came from my greatest failure.
I was a comedy writer. Not every one knows this that I was a comedy writer in a former career. And that dream died a horrible death when I wrote one of the worst movies ever made. And when I saw how bad it was, I quite literally had a snapping moment in that theatre and I began to stumble around for something else to do.
The first NLP books I read were just incomprehensible. I believe the first one was Structured Magic. Then I stumbled a couple of months later on to Frogs and Princes and it completely blew me away. I spent a couple of years wrestling to understand it, not literally wrestling, but wrestling with NLP to understand it.
And I began to see that I could apply this to my own shyness but I also I could learn to communicate with women in a way that made them much more attractive to me.
Michael: What do you think are the real deep down benefits people get from doing this?
Is it about Speed Seduction or is it more than that?
Ross: Well, first and foremost, I think it teaches men to think about human emotion and human subjective process in a much different way. You've got to remember that most people that come to my work are not familiar with NLP or indeed any kind of personal change technology or communication technology at all.
And so the first time they begin to look at people as more than just random responses running around, they begin to see that the emotions they want to experience and the emotions they want others to experience with them, is a result of an internal process. So first and foremost, I think the benefit is that you begin to look at people and begin to understand that they have a subjective world that you don't necessarily share, and you being to begin to understand that world. And to understand your own subjective world, so you feel less at the mercy of what society uses as nomilisation - chemistry, love. You begin to see that these are not things, but they are processes that can be understood.
And to some large degree you can gain mastery no matter what your previous experience has been. That's the overall really beautiful benefit. And of course knowing how to use your language and how to get women talking in a way that creates attraction, virtually at will, is a pretty nice power to have. Wouldn't you say?
Michael: Absolutely. Absolutely. Well in a funny sort of way I find your stuff poetic, may be a strange description!
Ross: Well it is kind of poetic, isn't it?
Michael: Are there any warnings you give to people about SS and any advice you'd give to someone who, after taking a course, is setting out to put some of what you are talking about into operation?
Ross: I do tell people that it's their obligation that anyone under your influence is under your protection. I do tell guys that you want to leave people better off than when you found them. Only people are somewhat chaotic and there is no way to guarantee that. And that also what you put out in some way eventually reflected back to you. And that is the warning I give.
And look, any time you deal with human emotion, you're dealing with very potentially powerful forces. Whether you are an effective writer, an effective speaker or seducer,
You're dealing with human emotion and it's very powerful.
But I also believe Michael, let me very blunt, I also believe that technology is morally neutral. There is no ethical or moral quality to technology and that's what this is, so you can use it to harm or you can use it to benefit.
And that’s true, by the way, with all persuasive technologies and certainly true about NLP. People have used NLP destructively and they have also used it very constructively. Any many people have done both, which is the most confusing thing. I won't name any names.
Michael: What do you think the need is, if that's the right word, of SS is in the year 2007? You have been dealing with this for some time. Do you think society is catching up? Or do you think there is great desire or need for this sort of thing?
Ross: I think, speed seduction is always, in some way, going to be on the outside even though it's been popularized in books like "The Game," the best selling book by Neil Strauss. I see some of it in some TV shows, etcetera, etcetera. It's always going to be less than mainstream because it's challenging some fundamental ideas about the way that men and women work. The idea that it's chemistry, that it's something that just happens. It's also a big challenge to the dating game.
A large part of my influence in creating the whole Ross Jeffries persona and part of the idea behind Speed Seduction came from a mathematician by the name of Edward Thorpe. Thorpe wrote a book called, Beat the Dealer.
He was the first person to actually figure out the mathematics of Black Jack. He explained a betting strategy that was so powerful that actually Vegas -- the casinos -- had to change the rules or they would lose their advantage. So I kind of view the speed seduction as a beat the system kind of thing.
This always appealed to me as a kid -- ways to beat the system. It's a way for guys to beat the dating game. Because for many men, for most men, unless you are at the very pinnacle of power, and good lucks, and money and wealth, the dating game is a form of gambling.
You're spinning that roulette wheel hoping that the numbers are going to turn out 69 69 69. You're really betting, you're gambling. The whole lingo around dating if you will, "maybe I'll get lucky." Well "lucky" -- if you were taking a plane from England to the US and you asked the pilot, "How are you going to make sure you are going to get to America?" and he said really, seriously said, "I don't know, maybe we'll get lucky," you'd be wise to get off that plane. Part of speed seduction is really a way to stack the deck back in your favor. Beat the house. So does that make sense?
Michael: It makes absolute sense.
Ross: The house - traditional media, traditional dating -- is always going to be against speed seduction and those entities that make money on traditional dating -- movies, entertainment, restaurants -- are not going to like speed seduction, so it's never going to be mainstream, ever.
Michael: OK. How has your own training changed over the years? What are you doing differently?
Ross: A huge part of what I am doing now is not NLP but rather a reflection of my studies of ritual magic, but even more important is vipassana meditation. I have been deeply, profoundly influenced by the work of my vipassana teacher, Shinzen Young. You should check out his website, Shinzen.org.
The meditation practice is quite profound, far more radically transforming than I think NLP has even been for me. Actually, the work I'm doing with Shinzen is having a greater influence on me than Erickson or Bandler. He is really quite remarkable. So I am teaching people a lot about how to detangle emotion, how to separate emotions from each other, and then separate emotions from the stories that feed the emotions -- the emotions feed the stories and keep us trapped in a loop. It's quite profound.
Also, a lot of what I am teaching now is how to be attractive to women using four different attraction vibes. It's true I still teach a lot about language because I'm in love with language, but the energetic vibe, the attitudes you take are like the conductive medium through which your language is either going to pass, or not pass, or pass clean or pass with a lot of noise. So I am teaching about energetic and emotional control of yourself.
And then there's always the language there too and a lot of the language in Speed Seduction is about asking questions, elicitation questions, if you will to get the women talking, and you are actually using her responses…
Michael: You said some of the stuff you are looking at is better than NLP?
Ross: I didn't say better, with all due respect, Michael, I said more radical, going right down to the roots. If you want to talk about subjective experience, there is subjective experience that is largely unconscious and to become conscious of those things requires a deep mediation.
Michael: How do you think, or do you think, that Speed Seduction can be applied to business? Is there relevance there?
Ross: I am actually working on finishing a product on how to put hypnotic language into your copywriting. But I see it relevant in many ways, First of all, state control, rapport is profoundly powerful, and learning to use language that presupposes your outcome is really, really powerful.
So if you said to an interviewer, "as we are sitting here talking today, I know you have to evaluate who's the right person for you and I'm not sure what that ever that process is you use, I just want to let you know as we are speaking, if you really, truly want to know something about me, I am happy to tell you. So that the future passing with that person already having hired you, looking back on this moment and feeling good about it.
Michael: Moving on from that, what do you have coming up in the future?
Ross: Well, there's a project that I am working on coming up, that I really can't discuss, with someone else that is big in the seduction community. It will be announced October first. I am under a non-disclosure agreement but it's going to be gigantic and it's really going to spread the word. But I will be in London on September 7, 8 and 9 doing a magic
and psychic influence seminar, and then I will be in London September 13, 14 and 15 doing a speed seduction seminar.
Those are my only European appearances for 2007.
If you want to find out more about it, please go to: http://www.speedseduction.biz/ Don't go to any other sites. There is a mirror site that is not me.
I also want to say one more thing. As much as I want to promote my own business
and my own work, again, I have to give massive credit to the work of Shizen Young. As you know, I have been involved in NLP since 1987 and I have met all the big names and I have met many teachers. And Shinzen is far and away the most intelligent person I have ever met and the greatest teacher I have ever met. He has done for meditation what Milton Erickson has done for hypnosis. So I urge people to go to his website. http://www.shinzen.org/ His work is profound.
Michael: Is there any last thing you would like to say to anybody reading this?
Ross: I would. Some of you know me and like what I do. Some of you don’t like what I do. Many of you are puzzled by my marketing. What I want to say is -- having choice, and power and variety with women is your birth rate.
It's what you really want no matter how society or feminists or anyone try to shun you or shame you out of that desire. And there is a way to do that without having to bully, beg or buy or booze and that's Speed Seduction. I have helped thousand of guys over the last 15 years, so check out the website, http://www.speedseduction.biz/
And I really want to thank Michael for the opportunity to reach some really intelligent people.
THE END
Michael
PPI Business NLP
01908 506563
The NLP Business Training provider of choice
You can listen to a recording of this conversation from http://www.nlp-expert.co.uk/seduction/ross.mp3
(but allow 1 minute for connection)
Michael: Firstly, I'd like to say that I found some of your stuff very useful regarding attracting women but also, I think you've made some new distinctions around NLP which I think other people haven't done. So I personally found your stuff exceptionally useful.
Ross: Thank you. That's very flattering. I appreciate that.
Michael: The first thing I would like to say though is that sometimes I get a bit shocked by your advertising copy.
Ross: My advertising copy was largely influenced by one person -- my copywriting and marketing guru Gary Halbert. Gary Halbert once said "When it comes to writing, people don't have time to understand your pathetic subtleties" and I never forgot that!
Michael: Presumably up to now, it's worked for you.
Ross: Yes.
Michael: OK. Going back, how did actually get involved in SS and how did you actually find out the first patterns?
Ross: That's funny because I was just writing a post about this on my blog. My greatest success came from my greatest failure.
I was a comedy writer. Not every one knows this that I was a comedy writer in a former career. And that dream died a horrible death when I wrote one of the worst movies ever made. And when I saw how bad it was, I quite literally had a snapping moment in that theatre and I began to stumble around for something else to do.
The first NLP books I read were just incomprehensible. I believe the first one was Structured Magic. Then I stumbled a couple of months later on to Frogs and Princes and it completely blew me away. I spent a couple of years wrestling to understand it, not literally wrestling, but wrestling with NLP to understand it.
And I began to see that I could apply this to my own shyness but I also I could learn to communicate with women in a way that made them much more attractive to me.
Michael: What do you think are the real deep down benefits people get from doing this?
Is it about Speed Seduction or is it more than that?
Ross: Well, first and foremost, I think it teaches men to think about human emotion and human subjective process in a much different way. You've got to remember that most people that come to my work are not familiar with NLP or indeed any kind of personal change technology or communication technology at all.
And so the first time they begin to look at people as more than just random responses running around, they begin to see that the emotions they want to experience and the emotions they want others to experience with them, is a result of an internal process. So first and foremost, I think the benefit is that you begin to look at people and begin to understand that they have a subjective world that you don't necessarily share, and you being to begin to understand that world. And to understand your own subjective world, so you feel less at the mercy of what society uses as nomilisation - chemistry, love. You begin to see that these are not things, but they are processes that can be understood.
And to some large degree you can gain mastery no matter what your previous experience has been. That's the overall really beautiful benefit. And of course knowing how to use your language and how to get women talking in a way that creates attraction, virtually at will, is a pretty nice power to have. Wouldn't you say?
Michael: Absolutely. Absolutely. Well in a funny sort of way I find your stuff poetic, may be a strange description!
Ross: Well it is kind of poetic, isn't it?
Michael: Are there any warnings you give to people about SS and any advice you'd give to someone who, after taking a course, is setting out to put some of what you are talking about into operation?
Ross: I do tell people that it's their obligation that anyone under your influence is under your protection. I do tell guys that you want to leave people better off than when you found them. Only people are somewhat chaotic and there is no way to guarantee that. And that also what you put out in some way eventually reflected back to you. And that is the warning I give.
And look, any time you deal with human emotion, you're dealing with very potentially powerful forces. Whether you are an effective writer, an effective speaker or seducer,
You're dealing with human emotion and it's very powerful.
But I also believe Michael, let me very blunt, I also believe that technology is morally neutral. There is no ethical or moral quality to technology and that's what this is, so you can use it to harm or you can use it to benefit.
And that’s true, by the way, with all persuasive technologies and certainly true about NLP. People have used NLP destructively and they have also used it very constructively. Any many people have done both, which is the most confusing thing. I won't name any names.
Michael: What do you think the need is, if that's the right word, of SS is in the year 2007? You have been dealing with this for some time. Do you think society is catching up? Or do you think there is great desire or need for this sort of thing?
Ross: I think, speed seduction is always, in some way, going to be on the outside even though it's been popularized in books like "The Game," the best selling book by Neil Strauss. I see some of it in some TV shows, etcetera, etcetera. It's always going to be less than mainstream because it's challenging some fundamental ideas about the way that men and women work. The idea that it's chemistry, that it's something that just happens. It's also a big challenge to the dating game.
A large part of my influence in creating the whole Ross Jeffries persona and part of the idea behind Speed Seduction came from a mathematician by the name of Edward Thorpe. Thorpe wrote a book called, Beat the Dealer.
He was the first person to actually figure out the mathematics of Black Jack. He explained a betting strategy that was so powerful that actually Vegas -- the casinos -- had to change the rules or they would lose their advantage. So I kind of view the speed seduction as a beat the system kind of thing.
This always appealed to me as a kid -- ways to beat the system. It's a way for guys to beat the dating game. Because for many men, for most men, unless you are at the very pinnacle of power, and good lucks, and money and wealth, the dating game is a form of gambling.
You're spinning that roulette wheel hoping that the numbers are going to turn out 69 69 69. You're really betting, you're gambling. The whole lingo around dating if you will, "maybe I'll get lucky." Well "lucky" -- if you were taking a plane from England to the US and you asked the pilot, "How are you going to make sure you are going to get to America?" and he said really, seriously said, "I don't know, maybe we'll get lucky," you'd be wise to get off that plane. Part of speed seduction is really a way to stack the deck back in your favor. Beat the house. So does that make sense?
Michael: It makes absolute sense.
Ross: The house - traditional media, traditional dating -- is always going to be against speed seduction and those entities that make money on traditional dating -- movies, entertainment, restaurants -- are not going to like speed seduction, so it's never going to be mainstream, ever.
Michael: OK. How has your own training changed over the years? What are you doing differently?
Ross: A huge part of what I am doing now is not NLP but rather a reflection of my studies of ritual magic, but even more important is vipassana meditation. I have been deeply, profoundly influenced by the work of my vipassana teacher, Shinzen Young. You should check out his website, Shinzen.org.
The meditation practice is quite profound, far more radically transforming than I think NLP has even been for me. Actually, the work I'm doing with Shinzen is having a greater influence on me than Erickson or Bandler. He is really quite remarkable. So I am teaching people a lot about how to detangle emotion, how to separate emotions from each other, and then separate emotions from the stories that feed the emotions -- the emotions feed the stories and keep us trapped in a loop. It's quite profound.
Also, a lot of what I am teaching now is how to be attractive to women using four different attraction vibes. It's true I still teach a lot about language because I'm in love with language, but the energetic vibe, the attitudes you take are like the conductive medium through which your language is either going to pass, or not pass, or pass clean or pass with a lot of noise. So I am teaching about energetic and emotional control of yourself.
And then there's always the language there too and a lot of the language in Speed Seduction is about asking questions, elicitation questions, if you will to get the women talking, and you are actually using her responses…
Michael: You said some of the stuff you are looking at is better than NLP?
Ross: I didn't say better, with all due respect, Michael, I said more radical, going right down to the roots. If you want to talk about subjective experience, there is subjective experience that is largely unconscious and to become conscious of those things requires a deep mediation.
Michael: How do you think, or do you think, that Speed Seduction can be applied to business? Is there relevance there?
Ross: I am actually working on finishing a product on how to put hypnotic language into your copywriting. But I see it relevant in many ways, First of all, state control, rapport is profoundly powerful, and learning to use language that presupposes your outcome is really, really powerful.
So if you said to an interviewer, "as we are sitting here talking today, I know you have to evaluate who's the right person for you and I'm not sure what that ever that process is you use, I just want to let you know as we are speaking, if you really, truly want to know something about me, I am happy to tell you. So that the future passing with that person already having hired you, looking back on this moment and feeling good about it.
Michael: Moving on from that, what do you have coming up in the future?
Ross: Well, there's a project that I am working on coming up, that I really can't discuss, with someone else that is big in the seduction community. It will be announced October first. I am under a non-disclosure agreement but it's going to be gigantic and it's really going to spread the word. But I will be in London on September 7, 8 and 9 doing a magic
and psychic influence seminar, and then I will be in London September 13, 14 and 15 doing a speed seduction seminar.
Those are my only European appearances for 2007.
If you want to find out more about it, please go to: http://www.speedseduction.biz/ Don't go to any other sites. There is a mirror site that is not me.
I also want to say one more thing. As much as I want to promote my own business
and my own work, again, I have to give massive credit to the work of Shizen Young. As you know, I have been involved in NLP since 1987 and I have met all the big names and I have met many teachers. And Shinzen is far and away the most intelligent person I have ever met and the greatest teacher I have ever met. He has done for meditation what Milton Erickson has done for hypnosis. So I urge people to go to his website. http://www.shinzen.org/ His work is profound.
Michael: Is there any last thing you would like to say to anybody reading this?
Ross: I would. Some of you know me and like what I do. Some of you don’t like what I do. Many of you are puzzled by my marketing. What I want to say is -- having choice, and power and variety with women is your birth rate.
It's what you really want no matter how society or feminists or anyone try to shun you or shame you out of that desire. And there is a way to do that without having to bully, beg or buy or booze and that's Speed Seduction. I have helped thousand of guys over the last 15 years, so check out the website, http://www.speedseduction.biz/
And I really want to thank Michael for the opportunity to reach some really intelligent people.
THE END
Michael
PPI Business NLP
01908 506563
The NLP Business Training provider of choice
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Speed Seduction® London Seminar, September 14, 15, 16 2007
Now… Use The Latest And Greatest Speed Seduction® TechnologyTo Totally Overcome All Your Blocks And Barriers With Women And Have The Hottest Chicks Begging To ......!!!!!!
Well could only be Ross Jeffries - If you want to read details of Ross' latest London Seminar follow this link.
The ad is written in Ross' normal colourfull and direct language, do not follow if easilily offended..
Speed Seduction® London Seminar, September 14, 15, 16 2007
Michael
PPI Business NLP
The Business Training NLP provider of choice
01908 506563
Well could only be Ross Jeffries - If you want to read details of Ross' latest London Seminar follow this link.
The ad is written in Ross' normal colourfull and direct language, do not follow if easilily offended..
Speed Seduction® London Seminar, September 14, 15, 16 2007
Michael
PPI Business NLP
The Business Training NLP provider of choice
01908 506563
Friday, July 27, 2007
Talking to people you don't know yet!
Talking easily to people you don't know yet is a key skill, whether for networking, selling or attraction. Some people find it easy - others, at least temporarily, can find it a genuine challenge, particularly in in a place where they don't know anybody.
There is a view that men find this much harder than women to approach new people, with the possible explanation that many, many years ago if a man approached a new women he ran the risk of being beaten up, excluded from the tribe, or killed by local alpha males or tribe leader....
There follows a list, partially humorous and partly serious of ideas of how to introduce yourself to people you don't know yet. This is about first contact - not what happens next.
However before the list some very general thoughts:
There is a view that men find this much harder than women to approach new people, with the possible explanation that many, many years ago if a man approached a new women he ran the risk of being beaten up, excluded from the tribe, or killed by local alpha males or tribe leader....
There follows a list, partially humorous and partly serious of ideas of how to introduce yourself to people you don't know yet. This is about first contact - not what happens next.
However before the list some very general thoughts:
- Genuinely respect peoples space
- Remember what you actually say and do may not make the slightest difference (who you are can have more impact than what you say) (some people will be friendly / unfriendly what ever you say and do) - so don't think to much and just do it!
- Standing side by side, as at a bar, is often the easiest positioning to strike up a conversation
- Noticing something you have in common can help
Obviously some of these are context dependent ie you may choose not to use a business opener in an attraction situation.
Approaches
Limited time approach
"I 've wanted to say hi, I'm Michael, I've heard a lot about you and would like to talk, unfortunately I've arranged to (anything that sounds plausible) and can't talk now. I'll catch you later.
Totally honest approach
Be totally authentic, say exactly what you feel,
" I'm glad to say hi, I don't know anyone here, and you looked friendly, I'm Michael"
"I've wanted to meet you for some time, can you give me 10 minutes?" "I'm Michael.."
Unspecified compliment
When walking past,
"Great colour.."
"Great energy.."
Hesitate for for a split second, brief eye contact, if unfriendly walk on, if you notice a possible connection..
"It's curious...I've always felt a connection with blue.."
"Tell me ....do you do some spiritual discipline like yoga or meditation?...you have a poised energy"
An observation or comment about the current situation then a question
"Good presentation (slight pause) how do you........?
Ask for an opinion?
"I've read this article that claimed that 50% of women actually believe that spells work, I just find it hard to believe, have you a view? .... could it be true?
(Cheeky) Disqualification
"You look really great, it's a bit of shame because I personally prefer blondes / brunnettes /someone younger / someone older (ie what ever the person isn't)"
Mutual friend recommendation
"Sue suggested we ought to talk"
Serendipity
"I had to come up and say hi and introduce myself....It's really strange I just had a dream about someone who was wearing...... "
To be continued........
Michael
PPI Business NLP
www.ppimk.com
01908 506563
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Get Lucky!!
While this is not a seduction blog as such, Richard Wiseman's book 'The Luck Factor' explains how you can improve your luck. The advice is very similar to some seduction advice...........
Michael
PPI Business NLP
01908 506563
“Luck was not a magical ability or a gift from the gods. Instead it was a state of mind: a way of thinking and behaving. People are not born lucky and unlucky, but create much of their own good and bad luck through their thoughts feelings and actions”……….Richard Wiseman in ‘The Luck Factor’
The Luck Factor
Principals and Sub principals of Luck
Maximise your chance opportunities
Lucky people build a strong network of Luck (ie know lots of people)
Lucky people have a relaxed attitude to life
Lucky people are open to new experiences in life
Listen to your lucky hunches
Lucky people listen to their gut feelings and hunches
Lucky people take steps to boost their intuition
Expect good fortune
Lucky people expect their good luck to continue in the future
Lucky people attempt to achieve their goals – even if their chance of success seems slim
Lucky people expect their interactions with others to be lucky and successful
Turn your bad luck into good
Lucky people see the positive side of their bad luck
Lucky people are convinced that any ill fortune in their life will, in the long run, work out for the best
Lucky people do not dwell on their ill fortune
Lucky people take constructive steps to prevent more bad luck in the future
Quiz (for interest - your score gives you a benchmark)
Rate each 1-5
1 I sometimes chat to strangers when queuing in a supermarket or bank
2 I do not have a tendency to worry and feel anxious about life
3 I am open to new experiences, such as trying new types of food and drink
4 I often listen to my gut feelings and hunches
5 I have tried some techniques to boost my intuition such as meditation or just going to a quiet place
6 I nearly always expect god things to happen to e in the future
7 I tend to try to get what I want from life, even if the chances of success seem slim
8 I expect most of the people I meet to be pleasant, friendly and helpful
9 I tend to look at the bright side whatever happens to me
10 I believe that even negative events will work out well for me in the long run
11 I don’t tend to dwell on the things that haven’t worked out well for me in the past
12 I try and learn from the mistakes that I have made in the past
Michael
PPI Business NLP
01908 506563
“Luck was not a magical ability or a gift from the gods. Instead it was a state of mind: a way of thinking and behaving. People are not born lucky and unlucky, but create much of their own good and bad luck through their thoughts feelings and actions”……….Richard Wiseman in ‘The Luck Factor’
The Luck Factor
Principals and Sub principals of Luck
Maximise your chance opportunities
Lucky people build a strong network of Luck (ie know lots of people)
Lucky people have a relaxed attitude to life
Lucky people are open to new experiences in life
Listen to your lucky hunches
Lucky people listen to their gut feelings and hunches
Lucky people take steps to boost their intuition
Expect good fortune
Lucky people expect their good luck to continue in the future
Lucky people attempt to achieve their goals – even if their chance of success seems slim
Lucky people expect their interactions with others to be lucky and successful
Turn your bad luck into good
Lucky people see the positive side of their bad luck
Lucky people are convinced that any ill fortune in their life will, in the long run, work out for the best
Lucky people do not dwell on their ill fortune
Lucky people take constructive steps to prevent more bad luck in the future
Quiz (for interest - your score gives you a benchmark)
Rate each 1-5
1 I sometimes chat to strangers when queuing in a supermarket or bank
2 I do not have a tendency to worry and feel anxious about life
3 I am open to new experiences, such as trying new types of food and drink
4 I often listen to my gut feelings and hunches
5 I have tried some techniques to boost my intuition such as meditation or just going to a quiet place
6 I nearly always expect god things to happen to e in the future
7 I tend to try to get what I want from life, even if the chances of success seem slim
8 I expect most of the people I meet to be pleasant, friendly and helpful
9 I tend to look at the bright side whatever happens to me
10 I believe that even negative events will work out well for me in the long run
11 I don’t tend to dwell on the things that haven’t worked out well for me in the past
12 I try and learn from the mistakes that I have made in the past
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
